My Team Mate

I was reminded recently about the first conversation my husband and I ever had. It happened about 12 years ago in Toronto, and I honestly still remember every detail about it. Where we were, how I was standing, how fast my heart was beating, what he looked like, what we said, and most importantly...what he was wearing. Because the entire conversation was about what he was wearing. Matt was wearing a Homestar Runner hoodie (side note - if you don't know who Homestar Runner is, please go and google it and spend the next hour or several immersing yourself in the comedy gold that is Homestar. Thank me later.) and I worked up the nerve to comment to him that I too was a fan and had my own hoodie. The rest, as they say, is history. (And for the record, he still has the hoodie).

Matt and I have been through a lot together over the past 12 years, the last 5 and a bit of which we've been married for, and the last 2 we've been parents. It certainly hasn't been boring, although it hasn't all been fun. One thing that has remained constant however is that my life is better with him in it. I am better with him doing life with me and together, as a team, we can tackle life heaps better then we ever could alone.

I've told the story plenty of times how on our wedding night I gave Matt a stack of letters that I had written to him years before I had ever met him. Some were silly ramblings of an immature and naive teenager, while others contained prayers and hopes for the husband I had yet to meet. I didn't know exactly how that moment would play out when these letters I had been holding on to for 10 years were finally placed in my brand new husbands hand, and I was honestly feeling quite embarrassed and nervous to give him such an open view to my inner thoughts and feelings from before I knew him. But he received them with silent awe as I explained what they were, and then proceeded to read through them one by one with tears in his eyes. He stopped every now and then as he corresponded the dates the letters were written to what he was going through at the time I had written it and we were both blown away by how prayers were written in times that he needed them most.

It's always good to remember where you've come from so that you can learn from past experiences, but also so that you can have a better idea of how to handle what has yet to come. When I look back what I know is that Matt is my best friend, and the best team mate I could ever ask for. Life is heaps more fun, interesting, bearable, exciting and possible because I have him by my side. I am blessed to know him, blessed to call him my husband, and blessed to have him as the father of my child.

Dear Teenager...

Dear Teenager;

If you read nothing else in this blog, read this. You are winning at this. Being a teenager is hard, for a ridiculous amount of reasons, and it's a war zone out there...but you're winning and you've got this.

Being a teenager is hard. I get it. I know EXACTLY what it's like when you sit alone in your room, blaring music that is full of the feels, tears streaming down your face as your heart is literally overflowing with emotions you can't explain or understand, and feeling like no one gets it. No one could possibly get what it feels like to be me right now. No one could possibly understand who I am.

I know what it's like to go to war with the mirror every day as you look at your reflection and shake your head at what you see looking back at you, and spend hours upon hours trying to figure out the best way to cover the parts of you you don't want anyone to notice.

I know what it's like to walk out into the world hoping that no one notices the hundreds of flaws you think you have, and what it's like when a bully puts your under their gaze and delivers insults that stab you to the heart that you then carry for far longer then you should.

I know what it's like when you feel hollow, empty, and dead inside and you consider some not so good ideas to help you feel something, anything, in a way that you can actually control.

I know what it's like to feel like there's nowhere you belong, and spending more energy then you've got on trying to fit in or make sure your friends continue to like you.

All adults were teenagers once...many have just forgotten what it was like because of the years that have passed, or maybe they've just repressed the memories because it was all just too hard.

Being a teenager IS hard. It may be the most challenging years of your life. For that reason, I want to say to all teens out there...you are amazing. You are a warrior for every day that you conquer.  The things you feel and experience and journey through as a teenager DO matter because they are part of who you are and the road that you're on. Never feel that you're stupid for thinking or feeling any of it. It's all important. It's all you.

Please know that you are not alone, you're never alone, although sometimes letting yourself believe that you are feels so much easier then letting others in who do in fact love and care for you. It just takes a second though to take a breath, open your eyes a little bit wider, and have a look to see who is there, stretching out a hand or offering a strong shoulder to lean on. Don't walk the journey alone, it's so much more fun to walk along side others.

Please know it's not the amount of friends you have that matters (FYI that number next to "Friends" on Facebook does not mean anything of importance...at all) but the quality of the friends thats important. Find one person who will fight along side you, and for you (and sometimes, with you) because two is stronger then one. The quality of the people in my life as a teenager is the one reason I survived it (thank you to those high school mates who are still journeying life with me!).

Please know that high school will end, and you will all go on with the rest of your life, and it won't take long for you to realise that some things really weren't that big a deal and took up way too much of your time and energy. High school is just a season that will end, but try to find ways to make it as fun and worthwhile as possible until it does.

Please know that one day you probably will look back on your life as a teen and wish that you took more time to appreciate it all before "being an adult" took you over. For this reason try to not wish the time away but find a way to actually enjoy the time that you've got by kicking out people and things that make you feel crap and finding the stuff that makes life worth living.

Please know that bullies are stupid, and probably have more crap going on in their lives then yours, and for that reason you should just pity them, ignore them, and move on with your day. Also, don't be afraid to ask for help in standing up to a bully, or finding someone to talk to if you've been hurt. And if you're the bully...just stop it. You will get no where good in life and you should probably find someone to talk to about why it is you take pleasure in hurting others.

Dear teenager....you've got this. You're winning, and you're not alone.

x