God is good...did you know that?
I am sitting here this Sunday morning in Melbourne Australia absolutely amazed by God.
I received a facebook message from my Uncle Gord that told me that while preparing for a Bible Study that he leads, he put in the song lyrics "Where I cannot see, I'll trust" and came up with my blog entry from October 19, 2005. Doubtful anyone who has read that would remember what it said...I certainly didn't. So I looked it up and began to read....
"Saturday night I had the privilege of attending a very beautiful covenant service with 614. Throughout the evening my heart was stirred as God spoke into my life and revealed some new truths to me.
"Humbled by Your Majesty,
Forgiven so that I can forgive..."
I came to realize how proud a person I am. I think it's a hard thing for me to admit that I'm wrong. Not just in terms of proving a point in a discussion or debate with someone...but I have difficulties accepting the fact that I am capable of hurting someones feelings without realizing it. Recently I had an old friend confess that I had hurt them in the past, and because of that they didn't think very much of me. Instead of humbling myself and apologizing...I argued. I gave reasons, excuses and pointed out in a very wordy speech that I wasn't the one to blame, and there was a logical explanation as to why feelings had been hurt and why we weren't friends anymore.
I realized Saturday night what a proud person I am and the difficulties I have in admitting that I have done wrong and require the forgiveness from someone that I may have hurt...unintentionally or otherwise. I think this is a hard thing for me to overcome and completely change...but I am glad to have been made aware of it and hope to continue to improve and have God keep me accountable."
For anyone who knows me well, you'll know the friend I'm referring to in this blog and that this whole issue has been one that has been on my heart these past few months following the accident.
I am sitting here right now just blown away at the full circle my life has taken these past two years, without even realizing it. I am presently in a place where I am again faced with the negatively that I have allowed eat away at my life and be present in my relationships with people, especially those I love the most.
I think that I've been made to rediscover this post for a few reasons. For a start, to realize that where I am now isn't such a new place...and surprisingly enough, I can reflect on the further words I wrote in that post and take a lot of comfort in faith and knowledge that I had even two years ago of how good God is and that He's with me every step of the way.
I think it was also to remind me of the relationship I had with my friend, both the good and the bad...and to know in the end it turned out just how God intended it.
And finally...I think it was so I could say I'm sorry. I had been struggling with that nagging thought these past couple of weeks, and I think that this is the time to say it.
I'm sorry. To everyone in my life where I've let negativity get the better of our relationship...or when I let my pride or stubbornness dictate my words and actions. I'm sorry to those I hurt, either intentionally or not...and to those whom I wasn't a listening ear when I should have been.
Also to my family. Being so far away for so long does nothing but make you appreciate how much you love those most important in your life. I am sorry for those moments of absolutely pride, stubbornness and grumpy days when I just couldn't be bothered. But...thank you for loving me anyways and always seeing past those moments.
I think that's really all I have to say. I have a lot of reflection to do, and I know I have a long and hard path ahead of me as I continue to nut out who it is God wants me to be. But I am so thankful for his continued goodness and love in my life.
To have a read of the full post of October 19, 2005...click here.
