I used to love the rain...

I've had a busy and stressful few days as I try to do a million things at once, including preparing for exams.

Yesterday, I walked down the street to Shop 16 to print out some notes I had finished typing up. Just as I left the Shop, it began to rain. This added to the frustrated mood that I was in and I walked as quickly as I could (without falling, as I was wearing thongs/flip-flops) in the direction of home. After waiting patiently for the road to clear to cross over Plenty road and then began to head back up the street towards my house (debating whether I should attempt to cover my recently straightened hair in attempts to keep it dry), I realized that I had left my printed notes at the Shop...my whole reason for being there in the first place.

I let out some form of verbal frustration, as I waited to cross the road back towards the Shop. Upon finally getting everything I needed, and heading once again towards the destination of home, the rain picked up and it started to pour.

Some moments after, I'm not sure how it happened, I began having flashbacks. Memories of camp, when we used to long for the days when the sky would open and a down pour would come. Memories of excitement when the wind started to pick up, the sky darkened and thunder could be heard in the distance.

My mind flashed back to all those times that a downpour would start, we'd all race to our cabins, put on a change of clothes, then run into the quad to find the biggest puddles to jump in. Then someone would put on some music, blaring it from their cabin, and we'd just run, jump and dance in the rain.

I can remember the many moments of running out to see Spidey, with a huge grin on his face, who was working up the courage to attempt some mud sliding. Or the time that Daryl and I found a MASSIVE mud puddle outside the nurses station and used it to absolutely cover Bean's bike in dirt...and then covered head to toe in mud had to welcome a bus load of campers who had just arrived. Or when Thumbalina and I started up a mud lovers newsletter to give ample coverage to the wondrous adventures that was puddle jumping.

In reality, these memories aren't from that old...maybe 5-7 years? But in the context of storming up my street in a foul mood because I had to take a 5 minute walk in the rain, those camp memories seem like forever ago.

But as I remembered and laughed about the various ridiculous things we used to do when it would rain, I couldn't help but slow down and make the walk to my house last as long as it possibly could as I attempted to hold on to that feeling of freedom and fun I used to have in moments like those.

I'm not sure that it was any great revelation that struck me...maybe it was just the reminder that nothing is so stressful or worrisome that I can't enjoy taking a leisurely walk in the rain.

I love...

I love that when I wake up feeling really sad and alone,

...Matt sends me a beautifully perfect text message

...My lovely classmate takes me out for a spontaneous coffee and chat

...My mum answers the phone at 11:30pm just so I can hear a loving motherly voice

...My sister just happens to need my credit card for $5 and ends up listening to me vent for an hour & reminds me that God is bigger then the boogie man

...My inbox has an email from Jeff just to remind me that he loves me and is praying for me

:)

Motivation

I've been challenged on something recently.

While writing in my prayer journal a few nights ago, I concluded with a sentence that included something about my brothers and sisters in Christ. It's a term I've used plenty of times, but in this particular moment it sparked something new for me.

Being so far away from home (Toronto) these past few years has allowed for me to appreciate how much I love and cherish my family. I guess it isn't just since I've been living in Australia, but it has helped to heighten the appreciation. Included within that is how deeply I love my siblings, and how being away can often be hard because I'm just so limited in how I can show them my love, or be there during difficult times.

Anyways, thinking back to my brothers and sisters in Christ...I got pondering about how easily and fully I am capable of loving my siblings. I want to be their protector, their friend, their support, their guide, their encourager, their listening ear...and the list continues. All of that just because I love them and value them and all that they bring to my life. If that is the range and depth I have for my 'blood' brothers and sisters...shouldn't that be a guide to how I love and treat everyone else? My brothers and sisters in Christ? My neighbours? My enemies?

So this has provided me with a real challenge. How do I practically live out a love that I'm capable of having for my siblings, towards everyone else in my life? I am aware of how different relationships with people often effect how we treat and react to people...but I guess what I'm looking more at is the motivation behind it all...the genuine depth to the love...the reason as to why we conduct our actions. It's just been something that has challenged me recently, and has forced me to be aware of how I treat people in my daily life..and what is it that motivates me.

Another point, though somewhat related to the above thought, is that in reference to being created in the image of God. Due to a question I had to study for my theology exam this past semester, it was a topic I had to do a great deal of reading on. It's just an interesting point that if, as a Christian, we believe that we have been created in the image of God...then in a sense all humans carry within them an aspect of that image. I won't get into what exactly I believe it to mean in terms of us being a fallen people and how that may or may not have corroputed this image....but what is interesting to think about is that if we ALL are created in the image of God, then surely this should be enough motivation for us to treat one another with respect, love, and grace? I mean, just the very idea that our 'neighbour' has been created in the image of a great and mighty God, should really give us enough motivation to just love them in all that we do?

Anyways, that was just something I've been pondering about.

Blessings!

Fifteen

Last night, at Shop 16 Reservoir, we enrolled 15 Junior Soldiers. I am still a bit stunned as I replay the scenes of last night in my head.

I believe that I have allowed myself to get in the mind frame over the past year and a bit of severely limiting the power and glory of God, more particularly in regards to how He is working within Reservoir.

When we first decided to be extremely intentional about making sure we shared the Gospel with our kids, and introducing the Junior Soldier pledge and curriculum...honestly, I was nervous. I remember one night as we were concluding squads, some parents came in as they waited for the program to finish. We were doing an activity to memorize part of the JS pledge, and I remember thinking...uh oh. What are they going to think? Well, I was put back in line the next day when I was told that the child of these parents had called in to let us know that she was going to become a JS. More then that, she's become extremely switched on in terms of knowing and loving God and wanting to be an example to everyone in her life. She even stood up at the ceremony last night and proclaimed in front of a packed room full of people that she was becoming a Junior Soldier because she loves God and wants to live a life that is clean.

I am amazed. Maybe I shouldn't be though. Maybe I should have known that God WAS and IS doing a great work within our community. Should I really be surprised when children stand up and say they want to lead a life following the Lord? Probably not. I'm learning though...God is breaking me down with His glory as I learn to humble myself once again and remember that He IS in control and doing incredible things...and that I am absolutely privileged to be a part of His ministry.

About a month ago one of the boys at homework group was sitting in a corner, looking quite sad. As he's normally full of life (and spending free time on the computer) I went over to see what was up. After much prodding and encouragement that I did actually want to hear what was upsetting him, he shared with me that he was very sad. He felt as if he didn't have any friends, and that no one liked him...anywhere, at Shop 16 or school. My heart broke for him and I spent the next few minutes trying to smother him with as much love and encouragement that I could muster.

Last night this boy became one of our 15 Junior Soldiers. After the conclusion of the ceremony, while everyone was eating and mingling, I once again found him sitting alone, with his head bent low. I went over and sat next to him and just said hello. This time, he didn't need any prodding. In a quiet voice he said, "Esther....I'm just so happy. I'm so happy, I think I might cry" and before he had even finished speaking I could see his eyes well up. I was just overcome with joy. I gave him a hug and told him what a very good thing that was! That it was a great thing that he could feel so happy, and that I was so very glad that he was.

In comparison to the amount of children whose lives we are involved with at Shop 16, 15 kids really is just a portion. On the other hand, it's also a really large amount of children to enroll as a Junior Soldier in one night! However, there is no doubt in my mind in regards to the decisions that these kids made last night. On our part, we really didn't need to force, twist arms, or encourage any of these kids to decide to make the decision...it was totally on their own, and with a great deal of enthusiasm that thoroughly surprised me! I am just so grateful that we were able to offer these kids an opportunity to commit themselves to something greater...to allow them the chance to stand up in front of their family and community and say that this is the life they want to lead.

God is awesome, and continues to be doing great things. I just need to make sure I continue to let Him!

Blessings!

What I've learnt recently...

...I hate saying 'no' to people, and I like knowing that I'm a dependable sort of person.

...I get frustrated when people aren't open to new suggestions or ideas, and stay stuck in what they already 'know'.

...it's important to have time off every now and then when you get to stay in your pj's and play video games all day.

...about the inter workings of Genograms.

...that I'm definitely wired to be a children's leader...not so much a youth leader.

...that 10 months still isn't enough time to understand the 'why'.

...I love to talk about my family...and to talk to them even more.

...I'm capable of playing basketball (even if I'm no pro!).

...that keeping my hair straight means I get to sleep in for an extra 10 minutes in the morning.

...that no matter what else is going on in life, spending 5 minutes with the kids in Reservoir will brighten my day.

...that I love my boyfriend.

...that I'm actually getting better at writing essays for uni.

...that looking for a house is a big, and unpredictable, adventure.

...that a dog barking is extremely annoying, but a cat constantly meowing is even worse.

...that I lost 13cm this past month because of going to Curves.

...that life is absurd, but that God is good and still in control.

For my fellow Trekkies out there

My lovely sister sent me the most fantastic email today with a beautiful poem that I thought was worth posting.

Ode to Spot

Felis Cattus, is your taxonomic nomenclature,

an endothermic quadruped carnivorous by nature?

Your visual, olfactory and auditory senses

contribute to your hunting skills, and natural defenses.

I find myself intrigued by your subvocal oscillations,

a singular development of cat communications

that obviates your basic hedonistic predilection

for a rhythmic stroking of your fur, to demonstrate affection.

A tail is quite essential for your acrobatic talents;

you would not be so agile if you lacked its counterbalance.

And when not being utilized to aide in locomotion,

it often serves to illustrate the state of your emotion.

O Spot, the complex levels of behaviour you display

connote a fairly well-developed cognitive array.

And though you are not sentient, Spot, and do not comprehend,

I nonetheless consider you a true and valued friend.

- Data

A time to build up, and a time to tear down...

I've been meaning to post for the past week or two, and I'm finally getting around to doing it.

Life has continued to be full of it's ups and downs lately..but hey, it keeps things interesting.

I spent today and yesterday as a registrar/book seller for a two-day conference in the city. It's a job I do now and then when it fits into the rest of my schedule, and overall pays pretty good money for a fairly simple day. I took advantage of the times when the seminar was in session (and I had nothing to do) to do some readings for a essay that's due in a week on Ecclesiastes. I did a couple hours worth today, and was left with my head just flooded with different theologians opinions on the "everything is meaningless under the sun" wisdom book of the Old Testament.

Though I haven't quite nutted out the outline of my essay, or what approach I'm going to take, I was left feeling enlightened. Though a reading of Ecclesiastes may leave one feeling quite depressed, and searching for some sort of meaning to be in existence....it put a lot of things into perspective for me.

As the "teacher" who wrote this book explains very honestly, we are all faced with the prospect of death...and we all live "in death's shadow." Doesn't matter who you are....wise or a fool, poor or rich...we will all meet the same end. Now, there are mixed views on whether we should take from this book that in light of death, we need to live life to it's fullest because all we have is this moment....or that life itself is a gift because we have knowledge and wisdom, and those who are dead do not...or that all that matters is that we live a life of wisdom, and not folly, and live having fear of the Lord...or that your riches mean nothing once you've died, but wisdom you can leave behind and pass on.

There's many more ideas, and I didn't do any of those points justice, so please forgive me but I still have much to try and work out from all the thoughts swimming around in my head at the moment. But, as I said, it has put a lot of things into perspective for me.

Life is a gift..and that may be easy to agree with, and it may be used frequently to warm hearts, but seriously take that in for a minute. Stop the complaining...stop the worrying...stop the obsessing over all the material things that you can't take with you...stop indulging in the world to try and fill some need you think you have. Just stop. Life is a gift. Now the question is...do you actually appreciate that gift? This fleeting moment you have on earth...do you appreciate the small joys that God blesses you with every day? Do you remember to thank God every day for the gift of breath?

I think that's all I'll say on that one for the moment.

Just to finish off, kind of a random story that also happened while working at this seminar. Yesterday the seminar leader asked me what I do, and I said I was a student. He asked studying what, and I gave my usual answer of "I'm at a theological college" which usually results in a blank face when speaking to your every day person. But, to my surprise, the conversation just sparked from there. As it turns out, he's a Bible teacher when he's not leading seminars. Later on that day, a lovely lady who was attending the seminar came to chat with me, which resulted in the same question. This time, it turned out that she works at a Christian book store and had lots she wanted to share with me. Then today, a guy was jetting past on his way to the toilets, when he saw that I was doing some reading. This typical looking biker guy, complete with tattoos up and down both arms, asked what I was studying. Once again, turns out that he's a lecturer for theological studies, and knows my school quite well. By the end of today, I have to say I was feeling quite encouraged and baffled! Normally hardly anyone engages me in conversation at these events, and never does it lead to this result! Goes to show I think that God really is everywhere, in all shapes and sizes.

Blessings!

What's love got to do with it

I had a random thought last night as I was drifting off to sleep, and thought I should throw up a blog about it.

Up until very recently, the only time I had been in a relationship where I told the boy that I loved him was when I was 15. Thinking back to that relationship (which was also my first boyfriend), I can remember hanging up the phone one night after a very exciting conversation with the boy, and very giggly explaining to my mum that he had said those 3 magical words to me. At the time I thought her cool and calm response of a nod and smile failed to do justice to how fantastic the situation was....but in hind sight I'm sure she was just trying to contain the laughter at my very silly display.

In the end...that relationship only lasted two months...and one month of that was spent with the boy on holidays with his family (a summer relationship). So, its fair enough to say that this "love" was pretty skin deep and probably more inf actuation then anything else.

The point I think I was wanting to get at is this. Does it really count if you say "I love you" to someone as a teenager? Or do you really know what "love" is if it's your first relationship? Or is there a certain age limit that you have to hit to know what it means to fully experience love?

In reflection of myself, I think that I can safely say I'm in love with someone for the first time in my life. Because I know that he's my best friend, and that it's a love that has grown out of years of growing friendship.

What I think about that other love from when I was 15? I guess summed up, I just didn't know any better. I was (and still am, though I try to repress it) a hopeless romantic and "in love with love" as they say. I thought that all those extreme emotions that started controlling my day to day life upon meeting that 15 year old lad obviously had to be love....and maybe it was on a very small scale. In a very naive immature way that 15 year olds see and experience "love."

I have more thoughts I'm sure, but this is turning out longer then I had intended...but I will leave it open to feedback. Any one else have any other thoughts, stories or pearls of wisdom?

I've had questions

I've been doing a lot of thinking about life in the past couple weeks, as I've been riding a bit of an emotional roller coaster.

During mentoring a couple days ago, we talked about being to 'suffer' in life, but to still be able to worship God. That it's a hard path to go through, but being able to actually worship despite any circumstances or what you're feeling, allows you to reach a whole new level in your relationship with God. The pain and emotion doesn't necessary go away...because what you're feeling and experiencing is just life sometimes....but to be able to pour all of that out to God, exactly how you're feeling, and still be able to praise and worship him...is such a comfort.

We had 36 hour prayer this weekend in Reservoir, and during one of my prayer shifts, a song came on the randomized play list on the ipod that was left in the prayer room. It's a song I've heard many times, and have always enjoyed, but this time meant something all new to me. In it's lyrics it seems to embody all that I've been thinking about recently, as well as my conversation in mentoring on Friday. Maybe it was just the first time that this is where I am in my life so it just hit home.

Anyways, here's the song and the lyrics...

I've Had Questions - Tim Hughes

I've had questions, without answers

I've known sorrow, I have known pain

But there's one thing, that I'll cling to

You are faithful, Jesus You're true

When hope is lost, I'll call You Saviour

When pain surrounds, I'll call You Healer

When silence falls, You'll be the song within my heart

In the lone hour, of my sorrow

Through the darkest night of my soul

You surround me, and sustain me

My defender, forever more

When hope is lost, I'll call You Saviour

When pain surrounds, I'll call You Healer

When silence falls, You'll be the song within my heart

I will praise You, I will praise You

When the tears fall, still I will sing to You

I will praise You, Jesus praise You

Through the suffering still I will sing

When hope is lost, I'll call You Saviour

When pain surrounds, I'll call You Healer

When silence falls, You'll be the song within my heart

I've had questions, without answers

I've known sorrow, I have known pain

But there's one thing, that I'll cling to

You are faithful, Jesus You're true

When hope is lost, I'll call You Saviour

When pain surrounds, I'll call You Healer

When silence falls, You'll be the song within my heart

I will praise You, I will praise You

When the tears fall, still I will sing to You

I will praise You, Jesus praise You

Through the suffering still I will sing

The continuing mission, to explore strange new worlds...

This past month has been an interesting one. I'm still in limbo, not feeling quite settled as I continue to live out of a suitcase. I had hoped to have housing sorted by the time I started back for my second year at school..but alas, I have my first class this afternoon and housing isn't worked out just yet.

Honestly, it's been a struggle remaining motivated and optimistic. I hadn't anticipated that the process of securing a house would end up taking control over so much of my thinking and my emotions. I realized in the past couple of days that a huge part of that is because part of me feeling 'at home' here in Melbourne, is living in Reservoir. It's the community that I've fallen in love with and want to be in. It's where I want to spend my time, and where I want to commit all my passions and energies. It's not so much the living out of a suitcase and not really having my own room that gets me down the most, it's the commute to Reservoir, and not being able to just be in that community when I wake up and go to bed.

I know I'm not in the ideal situation at the moment, but it really isn't that bad at all. I have a bed to sleep in, food to eat, and clothes to wear...so I really can't complain about much. I guess the frustration of not being able to get a house is one I haven't experienced before and hadn't really prepared myself properly to deal with. It's just amazing how much impact something like securing a house has on all other aspects of your daily life, and how much it puts on hold of planning for much of anything in advance.

I know that God is good. And I remain convinced that He wants to use me in Reservoir...and every time I see those beautiful kids I'm reminded of why I'm here. So, I just need to renew my faith and trust daily in the Lord that He has a plan, and that he will take care of me.

As the search continues.....I'm now off to uni.

Blessings.

Walk by faith

I've been reading a book recently about the "Founders of The Salvation Army" that I recieved from my grandparents last Christmas. It's not a very long book, but gives a pretty good account of William and Catherine Booth...their childhood, how they met, and then the path that led them to The Salvation Army.

I just wanted to share a part of a letter that Catherine wrote to her mother during a time when many uncertanties lay ahead.

"I have no hope that God will ever assure us that we shall lose nothing in seeking ot do His will. I don't think this is God's plan. I think He sets before us our duty, and then demands its performance, expecting us to leave the consequences wiht Him. If He had promised beforehand to give Abraham his Isaac back again, where would have been that illustrious display of faith and love which has served to encourage and cheer God's people in all ages? If we could always see our way, we should not have to walk by faith, but by sight. I know God's professing people are generally as anxious to see their way as worldings are, but they thus dishonour God and greatly injure themselves. I don't believe in any religion apart from doing the will of God. True faith is in the uniting link between Christ and the soul, but if we don't do the will of our Father it will soon be broken."

Well said.

Blessed to be a witness

Here's some lyrics to a song that is a favourite at the moment, on a cd that my lovely brother made for me before I departed the great white north.

Cheers.

Corcovado parted the sky

And through the darkness

On us he shined

Crucified in stone

Still his blood is my own

Glory behold all my eyes have seen

I am blessed to be a witness

Some have flown away

And cant be with us here today

Like the hills of my home

Some have crumbled and now are gone

Gather around for today wont come again

I am blessed to be a witness

So much sorrow and pain

Still I will not live in vain

Like good questions never asked

Is wisdom wasted on the past

Only by the grace of God go i

I am blessed to be a witness

Ben Harper

Pathways

It's probably been two years since I could say that I was blogging regularly...but alas, it's a new year, so we'll give this another shot.

I'm back in the land of Oz..again. Though most would say by now that this is home, and I was in Toronto meerly for summer holidays, which I guess is probably true. Boarding the plane in Toronto airport I sat down and felt tears creep down my face as I found myself thinking "why am I doing this again?" As easier as it may get to actually live in Australia, half way across the world from Canada, it never actually gets any easier to leave Toronto and the people that I love.

2007 brought a lot of unexpected events. The big ones are all common knowledge, so I won't go into detail. But, in reflection, it's almost as if we were heading down this path. A path that we may not have been fully aware of was heading, but became quite comfortable travelling along it anyways. A path that more or less seemed straight, with just a few bumps and curves along the way. Then suddenly..the path ended. It just stopped. Everything we thought we knew ceased to exist in the event of one moment...and we found ourselves only being able to form the question 'why?' We tried to grab onto one another for support, but found that most the time we fell right back down...unable to stand on our own two feet, let alone hold the weight of those next to us.

Slowly, over time, some have found their footing and have journeyed out, making a new path. Others have started out, but are crawling still...as they regain the strength that they once walked tall with. Some, I imagine, are still sitting in that same spot...the spot that they landed on when the news first came. Everyone is seeking out a new path now though. A new direction. A way to carry on...minus one.

The good news though is that God is there. He's there to help us stand up...help us take those steps in a new direction...help us carry on with joy in our hearts and our eyes heavenward. God is good.

I'm not entirely sure what path I'm on at the moment, or what direction it's heading in. I'm a bit of a floater as I'm without a house or job, and waiting for uni to start back up. I am excited for this year though. Excited for unknowns...excited for the hopes and promises God has spoken into my heart...excited for seeing all the beautiful Reservoir children...and excited for the development of new (and old) relationships.

Well 2008....lets do this.