Happy Halloween!

Only two sleeps left till Halloween

Well, it's only 8:30, but I am definitely ready for bed!!

Just got home from an amazing day in Regent. I think we had the best day of squads that I've had in a very long time.

(And can I say I am loving this random beautiful day of sunshine and warm weather!)

Kanga and I were afraid of mass chaos happening this morning for our squad, as we always seem to be short on leaders, and we had one kid coming who we hadn't seen since the Spring and our memories of her are far from wonderful. So, while on prayer walk last night, we took a few minutes to pray over this particular child, and also that things would run well.

And God definitely answered our prayers! This morning between the two squads that we run together, we had 25 kids show up...BUT we also had a splendid 7 leaders come to help us out! Praise the Lord!! And the result was a slight bit of chaos...but the kind that is fun and manageable. The program ran without a hitch really..and we got in a crazy game of dress up the leader, caramel apple making, and some pumpkin carving. (Check out the pix on my MSN space..link below.) And, much to our astonishment...our one child that we had dreaded coming...behaved beautifully. It was actually really great to see her again, and she shocked us all with an ability to listen to instructions...the first time they were asked!! (A miracle in itself...).

Then after an hour and a half break...we were on to the next squad. This one as well, ran incredibly. Within this particular group we have so many diverse and "strong" personalities displayed in the kids, there's always the fear in the back of our minds that at any second mass mayhem is going to break out. But...incredibly, everyone got along with one another...every kid showed up in a stunning Halloween costume...there was TONS of laughter...the kids started and sang grace at dinner all on their own (good ol' Johnny Appleseed)...and Mark (Igniter) successfully carved his first pumpkin!

Definitely a day that reminds me why I am involved in such a beautiful and vibrant children's ministry in Regent Park. It continues to blow my mind and melt my heart when I see such tough acting, thick skinned youth, too cool for anything...revert back into real children who give an endless amount of hugs, play ridiculous simplistic games, and laugh..a lot. All because of the love, passion and devotion that the folk from 614 pour into their lives in the name of the Lord. God is good.

Happy Birthday Christopher!!

Happy 19th dude!!

Growing up so fast...

Just two months left...

Where is the time going? When I made the decision to leave the country it seemed like it would be ages until the end of December actually came...but alas, time is flying by. Now I'm just keeping my fingers crossed that the 23 hour plane ride goes by just as fast...

I'm finding it harder and harder to get myself in the mode of getting ready to leave for a long journey away from home. Getting my mind into the perspective that the people who I love and I am closest to, I won't be seeing for a very long time. I'm caught in some cases of wanting to distance myself to make it easier for when I do leave, but in the same thought wanting to spend as much time as possible to cherish the next two months that I have in Canada. It's also been a lot harder then I thought it would be to try and stay in good standing with all my family and friends, to make sure that I won't be leaving with any bitter feelings or unresolved issues. Well, not so much as being harder then I thought...but more then I didn't really expect the issues to come up that have been coming up. But you live and learn...

Although I've always disliked the idea of a big city, despite always living in Toronto...recently I'm finding a new appreciation for the area I do live in. I realized on a prayer walk last Friday night how much time I've wasted looking beyond my neighbourhood to do things for God, and turning a blind eye to my immediate surroundings. I've travelled into the heart of downtown Toronto lots of times in efforts to meet people living on the streets, or spent a lot of time in Regent park building relationships or joining in their prayer walks. But last Friday I joined the East Toronto crew as we took a stroll up Danforth and took some time to pray for the area. It totally hit me in a new and different way as we took the time to pray for a bar that I've actually spent time in hanging out with friends back in highschool...and prayed right by Main station, where I have been travelling through with TTC nearly my entire life...and prayed for the community that I have been living in for the past 22 years. It really hit me hard how all too often I'm looking beyond a broken community that I in fact live in, to try and find ways for God to use me. It was definitely an awakening experience...and also a good reminder for me that there will be a reason for me to come home again after Australia, because my own community still needs God in a big way.

Just to finish off...here's a couple short video clips of the cutest three year old in life...

Toes

Jesus Loves Me

Blessings!

My sister is all grown up

Happy four month anniversary Donna and Tim!!

Finally Canadian

Congrats Sara Bright on FINALLY getting permanent residency in Canada!!

Now you can finally get paid for all that hard work you've been doing!

Praise the Lord..He is good.

Blessings!

The battle of humility...

"What do you say When it's all gone away?

Baby I didn't mean to hurt you...

Truth spoke in whispers will tear you apart

No matter how hard you resist it

It never rains when you want it to

You humble me Lord

Humble me Lord

I'm on my knees empty

You humble me Lord

You humble me Lord

Please, please, please forgive me"

On my way...

Praise the Lord...I got my Immigration Visa for Australia!! And it only took two weeks!

It makes the fact that I'm leaving in just over two months a little bit more real now that I know I can legally be in Australia for a year!

God is good!

"Where I cannot see, I'll trust"

Saturday night I had the privledge of attending a very beautiful covenant service with 614. Throughout the evening my heart was stirred as God spoke into my life and revealed some new truths to me.

"Humbled by Your Majesty,

Forgiven so that I can forgive..."

I came to realize how proud a person I am. I think it's a hard thing for me to admit that I'm wrong. Not just in terms of proving a point in a discussion or debate with someone...but I have difficulties accepting the fact that I am capable of hurting someone's feelings without realizing it. Recently I had an old friend confess that I had hurt them in the past, and because of that they didn't think very much of me. Instead of humbling myself and apologizing...I argued. I gave reasons, excuses and pointed out in a very wordy speech that I wasn't the one to blame, and there was a logical explanation as to why feelings had been hurt and why we weren't friends anymore.

I realized Saturday night what a proud person I am and the difficulties I have in admitting that I have done wrong and require the forgiveness from someone that I may have hurt...unintentionally or otherwise. I think this is a hard thing for me to overcome and completely change...but I am glad to have been made aware of it and hope to continue to improve and have God keep me accountable.

"Your grace has found me just as I am..

Empty handed but alive in Your hands..."

During the course of the service on Saturday we had put in our hand a mustard seed, and a few beads of yeast. The parable of the mustard seed and yeast was read from the Bible, and we were asked to consider this passage. We were to think of any hopes and dreams that we have...however small and insignificant they seemed, and then to turn to someone beside you and spend some time talking about these dreams and praying about them.

"There must be more than this..."

As I began to think over this passage and apply to myself, I became a bit scared. I realized that although I have the next step of my life planned out to go to Australia...beyond that I am completely clueless. I have this burning desire to be used by God...to be useful to His ministry, and to not waste my life. But what exactly that means, or where my life is going...I really have no idea. My friend who I talked to shared similar fears as me, and also just wanted to be of some use to God, and not just a waste of space. So we took a few moments as we shed some tears to pray into each other reassurance and confidence that yes, God does have a use for our lives.

It's a scary thing to realize that you have no control over your life, and you have no idea in what direction your life is going after this exact moment. But it's also such a beautiful comfort to know that all we need is a mustard seed of faith...and God WILL use that. The tiny little seed that I had sitting in the palm of my hand...that's it...that's all God needs.

"And where I cannot see I'll trust..."

Sunday morning at my church, I heard a very good sermon that seemed to bring conclusion to what God was speaking to me at the covenant service the night before.

Obedience.

I don't know the step beyond the one I'm about about to take in two months. But I definitely need to trust God with what is beyond that. It's as if God is holding a flash light out for me as I walk in a dark place. He doesn't use a flood light and show me everything that is upcoming in my life. Instead he shines a little flashlight right in front of my feet..shining the light bright enough for me to see my next step. I need to trust that as I take this one...God will then reveal to me the step that is beyond that.

I do have a fear of moving on, and I'm discouraged by the things that are unknown. I have a fear of not having enough money for Australia. I have a fear of becoming broken and unusable to God while trying to learn and grow in a country far away from my family and friends. I have a fear of returning home and not being talented enough or smart enough to be involved in ministry taking place in Toronto. And I have a fear of an unknown future.

But I do know...that unless I take this step that's right in my immediate future...I won't know what God has in store for me beyond that. I need to trust the unknowns to God..and remember to enjoy the journey.

Prayer Request

Time seems to be flying by until I go to Australia...and it's now only 77 days until I leave.

A lot of things have been really just coming into place so wonderfully with the grace of God, and that has been really awesome. I do still have a huge prayer request though.

My biggest anxiety right now is money. It's been increasingly difficult to try and save money up that I'll need for the next year in Australia. It's been a lot more expensive then I thought it would be to pay for the plane ticket, health insurance, apply for the immigration visa and other things that seem to keep popping up. I am really needing to just trust it all to God that He is going to provide the means for me to have money saved up because I'm definitely running out of my own options.

So prayer to be able to just trust this issue to God, and prayer that He'll find a way to provide all the money that I need, is definitely needed and would be hugely appreciated.

Blessings.

Gobble Gobble

Happy Thanksgiving!

I had a nice reminder today of how thankful I am for my family. We're a crazy bunch, but I love them.

I especially realized how thankful and blessed I am for my three younger siblings. After stuffing ourselves with my Grandma's delicious turkey, my two sisters, brother and I all squished onto the same couch together. I think we all had the intention of a nap...but it became a difficult task as all four of us were trying to use one another as leg rests...and because we were all over tired and being extremely ridiculous. But it was just a wonderful reminder of how much I love each of them, and the laughs and smiles that they bring into my life. It's definitely going to be a hard one saying goodbye to them for a year!

Praise God for all the reasons he gives us to be thankful.

Blessings!

Make Poverty History : National Day of Action in Toronto

Click on the picture to read the flyer.

"When I look at the stars...I feel like myself"

I think that most people have a place that they can retreat to...or somewhere that they can go and sit just to have a moment of sanity.

Mine is either to take a walk down to Taylor Creek and climb a tree (as funny as that sounds...), or just to go and hide in my room.

I have to tell you, I absolutely love my room, and I see it as one big huge work of art. I've been living in this make shift basement bedroom for the last 8 years or so, and have built up quite the assortment of a decorations, keep sakes, traffic signs, and random odds and ends. I'm a "pack-rat" by nature, and looking at my room...this is a very evident fact.

I think that one of my favourite parts of my room is the ceiling. One of the first things I did when I moved into the basement and set up my bedroom was stick a whole wack of those dollar store glow in the dark stars up. It was a long process as I didn't have a ladder and was forced to get creative in order to get the entire ceiling evenly covered with them...but 8 years later, they're still up there.

Originally I stuck them up there just to make sure that every inch of my bedroom had something covering it making it stand out a bit more. But now, I think I find something slightly beautiful and comforting looking at the glowing stars on my ceiling right before I fall asleep each night.

Six years ago, I began my summers of working at camp and spent two months at the Salvation Army Beaver Creek Camp, just outside of Saskatoon in Saskatchewan. It was by far one of the best summers of my life, and it was there that I realized I wanted to spend my life working with kids. I made some incredible friends that summer, one being the wonderful Dayla Halverson (well Dayla Beveridge now!). As the summer was coming to a close, Dayla and I shared many tears as we realized how far apart we would be once I went back home to Toronto. At the camp, we often laid on the trampoline and watched the night sky for hours, totally taken in by the Northern Lights. Dayla and I realized that even though we would be really far apart...we both would still be looking up at the same sky (sounds like a song from American Tail...). So, we picked a star that shines really brightly just over the saucer of the Big Dipper...and re-named it the "Dayla-Esther Star" (creative I know!). That way, whenever we missed each other, we could look up at that star, and know that wherever the other was, they could see that star too. When I got home that summer, I re-arranged the stars on my ceiling a bit, and formed the Big Dipper, complete with the "Dayla-Esther Star," so that when I lay down every night I can look up and see it shining right above my bed.

Next to sunsets, I think that the night sky is one of the most incredible and beautiful natural works of art that the Lord has blessed us with. It's one of those things, that when you're feeling lost, or unsure, you can just take a moment to stop and just bask in the glory that is God. It's just another reminder to me that when things are put into the Lords hands...they WILL turn out beautiful.

"I've been thinking about everyone, everyone you look so lonely...
But when I look at the stars...when I look at the stars...
When I look at the stars...I see someone else.
When I look at the stars...the stars...I feel like myself. "