I have a confession.
I am utterly and completely petrified of Salvation Army Music Camps.
I attended Junior Music Camp at Jacksons Point when I was 7, but haven't attended one since then. I didn't have the greatest week at camp, and was left with a lot of sore feelings about the competitive and snobby nature of a lot of the campers I attended Junior with.
For one reason or another, I decided to attend Territorial at Jacksons Point this year. So in three short days (gulp) I am going to be a camper at the Territorial School of Music and Gospel Arts. I am starting to get a bit excited about the fact that I get to be a camper again for the first time in a long time...but honestly, I am also scared to death.
There is nothing outstanding about me in terms of anything musically or artistically in any way shape or form. I am not known in any parts of the Salvation Army for any kind of musical or dramatic talent. I am about to begin a camp where people attending are just bursting with talent and abilities and every bone in them is an artistically creative one. Not only that, the majority of people who are my friends who are also attending, are right up there in the talent spectrum, and a lot of them are fairly well known or heard of in music circles. To say that I'm feeling intimidated is an understatement.
I'm scared about a lot.
About looking like a fool and not doing well in the drama stream. About friends who I normally have a lot in common with and hang out with, switching into that music camp mode and no longer having time for me. About not fitting in with a lot of talented people. About having to feel like I have to impress people or act a certain way in order to fit in.
Chances are, at the end of next week, I'll look back on these fears and think they were silly. But some hurts run deep, and in looking at diving head first into something that I've spent my life staying far away from in my Salvation Army involvement....this is a big step.
I'm doing my best to stay open minded, non-judgmental, and to trust it all to God. I want to have an amazing week where I can hear the Lord and draw closer to Him in a whole variety of aspects.
So I guess...here goes nothing...
6 comments:
It's been decades since I last attended musicamp as a student, but I still remember some of those fears. Now I wish I had focused more on the things I was there to learn and not the other stuff. I mostly managed to have a lot of fun. I hope it turns into a great week for you!
BTW, If you run into Graeme Williams from Edmonton, tell him, "Ian McKenzie says to stop talking so much." ;)
here goes nothing ..........
Esther my darling you are many things ... but nothing is not one of them ....
You will go, you will be all you can be (and subtle is not one of your gifts lol)
you will fly, concur & celebrate your faith and life
that is one of your gifts ... you enjoy life ... even the speedbumps ...
love you
Mommy
Hey Essie, I'm happy to see you are facing a fear I didn't know you had!
You will be awesome, especially if you just let go and let God flow through you.
..after all He is the one it's all about, and it REALLY doesn't matter what any one else thinks!
I'm sure G_Pa in BC would have something appropriate to say but they are at Sunrise for 2 weeks so give this a try...
Read Psalm 31:23, it seems to be appropriate!
and here i thought going to music camp was all about the fun and socializing! I went for years and just endured the music part.
anyway, you'll be fine.
I hear you on the Music Camp bit, but Nationals is different in many ways. I'm excited you're coming! Yay for you being brave. You'll be awesome!
Love Jill
Esther, Embrace what God has to show you this week and everything else will melt into good times, lots of laughs and spiritual beginnings. National is nothing to be afraid of...you will be strong, prevail and God will be present - that's all you need.
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