Boys have cooties.

I was chatting it up with some serious girl talkage last night with my new friend Ashley. Was really good to vent about personal frustrations...insecurities...and realize that on a lot of things that absolutly confuse me or leave me asking "say what?", I'm definitely not alone in my female thinking.

Some things in regards to the opposite sex (okay, a lot of things) are really quite a mystery, and there is no exact science in how to go about male-female interactions, dating and the like.

So...in an attempt to cross the gender barrier on this issue..what are your thoughts on the following.

Who should make the "first move?" (In terms of the first steps of a relationships, and making it more then "just friends.") Yes I know ladies we all say "it's the guys job" and ultimately we would like to not have to always take the initiative. But what about those times where things are stuck and maybe the guy is just too oblivious or chicken to get things going? But then at what point do you decide to take things into your own hands? (and what does "taking it into your own hands" exactly entail??) Or should we just always leave it up to the guys? And guys...do you feel you've lost some sense of masculinity if the girl makes the first move?

A confession. Girls get giddy and ridiculous when they like a guy. They let it occupy their thoughts, and every little thing a guy does "just as a friend" means more and leaves us wondering "does that mean he likes me too?"

So..the puzzlement. I know very well how girls act when they have a crush..but do guys do it too? Do they let that special girl occupy their thoughts and day dreams? Do they read "too much" into every little thing, wondering maybe if she's giving him a sign to make a move? Do they spend time pouring over the decision about whether or not they should tell the girl their feelings for her?

I know how some guys would answer these questions, because I've had conversations about it with them. But thats just a few, amoungst a whole gender.

Soooo..feedback? thoughts?

Seasons of Love...

Just saw this movie. It's absolutely fantastic, and an incredible rendition of the Broadway musical. Definitely gets you thinking beyond your typical everyday, "what is normal" lifestyle. Beautiful.

Love it.

Passion Toronto

I got these pictures off of the new 268 Generation Blog (the group that hosts the Passion Events.) They're pictures from the Passion Toronto concert that took place two days on November 22.

In the green circle is Chris, Me, Phil and Geoff (I swear it's us lol).

On the left in the white you can see the back of Twix, then Peter's grey hat, then Donna's orange shirt. And then dead centre in the huddle is Amy and Joel. Then to their right is Leah. This was during the "Prayer Triangles."

Chris, Charlie & David singing it out together.

Chris Tomlin.

David Crowder.

Well the weather outside is frightful...

Random Moments

Just wanted to write a quick post about a random beautiful moment I witnessed today.

I was on the Dawes bus heading down to Regent Park for the second time today. Three teenage girls got on shortly after I did. They sat at the very back of the bus, but were only seated a few moments before the bus driver was yelling back at them. He asked if they had ripped a ticket in half to make it look like two tickets. Turns out they did. So the driver stopped at the next stop and announced back to them that they would have to either put in another fare, or one of the three of them would have to get off. The girls yelled up a story that they had dropped a ticket down the sewer, so they were just trying to cover for the loss...but the bus driver wasn't having any of it and told them they needed to pay, get off or he was calling it in.

Now these girls were not being nice about the situation. They were sucking their teeth, making ridiculous remarks "under their breath" and doing their best to keep their cool and trendy teenage appearance despite being caught in the act of doing something they shouldn't be. As one girl yelled up to the front that they didn't have any more fare to put in...the thought crossed my mind to get some change out of my wallet and give it to them. But it was a fleeting thought as the frustration I get for these type of "punk" teens kicked back in (I'm getting so old...), and instead I ignored the conversation between them and the driver by turning up my discman.

While the debate between the two parties was getting more heated, and voices were getting raised...a little old lady who had been sitting up at the front stood up. She had to be in her 70's at least, and she moved very slow, and took her time. My first thought was that she couldn't handle the loud conversation that was taking place and was heading for the back doors. But I was wrong.

She walked right up to those three rebellious teenagers and asked "how much do you need?" I was shocked. I turned off my music to hear how the girls would respond. Not missing a beat the one girl who needed the fare said she only had a quarter. So the elderly lady quickly pulled out enough change for her to pay the bus driver. A quick thank you was offered up and the girl walked briskly up to the front and put the fare in, and was back in her seat before the older lady had even made it back to the front of the bus.

Nothing else was said about it. The void that separates the generations was crossed for a few brief moments...and then it passed. The bus driver closed the doors and began to drive. The little old lady got off the bus about two stops later. The girls rode the bus until we reached the station, and they said nothing about the kindness that was shown to them from a complete stranger.

An interesting and beautiful moment which definitely got me thinking about a few things.

Anyways...just wanted to share.

Blessings.

Prayer Labyrinth

Friday night I had the privledge of attending my first all night of prayer at 614 in Regent Park. The weekly 9-11pm prayer walk was extended until 6am and involved different aspects of prayer and worshiping God.

The most impacting part of the evening for me was when we ended up at the K-Club after doing a Prayer Walk Scavenger Hunt in the community. After debriefing from the prayer walk, we were lead by Julie into a prayer labyrinth. Some scripture was read, as well as the history and meaning behind prayer labyrinths. Although I had heard of them before, I had never actually walked through one, so this was a new experience for me. It was a simpler version of this exercise, and there was paths taped out on the floor of the gym for us to walk through. There were two different entrances for us to choose from. Then we would follow the path, until we reached the middle, and then choose a path out again. It was left fairly open as to what we would pray about as we walked, but it was up to us as to how long we took in the labyrinth and how we traveled along it.

A huge struggle that has been occupying my thoughts this past week has been on the topic of boys and past relationships. Through conversations with someone from a past relationship and a couple other random situations, I've had a lot of stress and anxiety weighing down on me, and haven't been really sure how to get through it. I've felt a lot of old pain and regret that I thought I had dealt with beginning to creep back up into my life, as well as starting to doubt my capabilities for a future relationship with someone.

When we were told to sit and pray at the K-Club and then begin the labyrinth when we felt ready, all these issues and stress that had been on my heart all week crept back up into my mind. I felt God say to me, "lets start at the beginning...and walk through it all together." So that's what I did.

I took my first step into the labyrinth going back right to my first boyfriend. Very, very slowly, I took a step at a time and literally walked through my entire dating history, with God right beside me. It took a while, and I had to pause a few times as tears caught me off guard and fell down my face...but I pressed on.

I think the thing I found the most surprising was all the bitterness and hatred I still harboured from past situations. But...most of those negative feelings weren't even for the guys that I had dated. They were for other people who in one way or another linked to the relationship I was in...and I had allowed these situations to slip my mind and I became totally blind to the fact that I still had real and raw bitterness and anger for people that I don't even talk to anymore. For instance...I still had negative feelings toward someone from when I was 15, because my boyfriend dumped me for her. I still had real anger towards a girl from when I was 17 who only pretended to be my friend while I was dating her best friend. And there were a couple more...but all of them equally ridiculous in the fact that I still harbored these feelings from years ago, and without me even realizing it, were tearing me apart from deep inside of me. But I had God beside me and He helped something beautiful to happen out of these hideous and ugly feelings.

As I walked through my past experiences, and became aware of the anger or hurt I felt by either the guy I was dating, or the people surrounding the situation...I confronted my feelings head on...released them to God...asked for forgiveness...and took a moment to pray into the individuals life that I had felt bitterness towards. It was one of the most liberating and freeing experiences of my life.

Then as I reached the centre of the labyrinth, I took a moment to sit and pause and listen to God. I asked Him to help me now look towards the future and hear Him speak truths into my life..instead of the lies I had let fill my head for the past week. And as I took steps on the path heading towards the exit, I heard words of truth, beauty and love that helped to renew me, strengthen my spirit, and give me confidence for the future.

The issues surrounding the opposite sex, and relationships will probably continue to come up as a struggle for me, but as on Friday night...I'm continually reminded that my God is good...He is constant...He is forgiving...and He is more than patient with me. And I'm so thankful that He's never given up on me, and still feels that I'm worth His time.

Blessings.

Smile for Chuck E!

How often do you get your picture hand sketched by Chuck E. Cheese?
Check that off of my life ambitions list!

A Personal Frustration

I just got home a shift at work. Definitely less stressed out then I have been after the last couple of shifts that I've worked, and I know it's got a lot to do with the fact of who my shift partner was tonight.

I worked tonight with Ana. Ana has been at Richardson long before I even started as a student there (for anyone who doesn't know..I work in a residential home for Children's Aid). She is someone from whom I have a learned a great deal from in terms of working with challenging and difficult behaviours, and how to still love kids despite everything else that goes on. It's so apparent that Ana loves her job, she loves working with kids, and she puts everything that she has into her work. Tonight at settling, one of the boys came out of his room when he knew he wasn't supposed to. Instead of just getting frustrated with him (as a lot of staff at my work do)...Ana asked him if the real reason he had come out was because he needed an extra hug before going to bed. Turns out...that's exactly what he needed.

Although I have the privledge of working with and learning from some incredible child and youth workers...at the same time, I work with some people who I honestly question whether or not they even like kids. People who get more caught up in the politics of the job then worrying about the actual effect it all has on the kids we work with...people who are more concerned with talking to their significant other on the phone then interacting or getting to know the kids we have living at the house...and people who are just too lazy to go above and beyond what they're required to do and just do the bare minimum so that they can keep their job.

I think that there is a lot of people who think that they are good with kids...or would like to think that children love them, and if they wanted to, they could always "fall back" into a field that involved working with kids (i.e. half of the people in first year of my child and youth worker course who dropped out after the first semester...). But then I go to work and see staff who seem to have forgotten why it was they got into this field in the first place and care more about their pay cheque then they do seeing our kids get stabilized and get to go back home or into a permanent residence.

I could go on a whole other rant about the lack of care, concern, time and effort people in general put into children and youth (within the church or not...), but what I'm left feeling really frustrated about at this exact moment in time are the people who have chosen to be responsible for the lives of children...people who have made the decision to take the outcome of a child's life in their hands...people who have the opportunity to mold a child's life into something far greater then it is...and then just flat out blow it. They let the opportunity pass them by.

Tonight before dinner I had a few free moments, so I went to our little gym at the house and played some basketball with our newest resident. (I straight out suck at basketball, but looking on the positive side, it always makes the kid feel better about their skills.) While we were playing, we got to chatting and I found out that he wants to be a construction worker when he grows up. When I asked him why, he said because that way he can build things for his kids. As well, because it will challenge his mind and make him smarter because he will need to do math calculations on the job (that's almost word for word..and he's 9). The conversation with him totally made my day and just reminded me how continually impressed I am with kids when I take the time to build relationships with them.

So many kids are without a proper mentor or adult to look up to or model their behaviour after. How much more important does that make the job of someone who willingly puts themselves in the role of being a leader or worker to children and youth? Definitely not a role to take lightly.

Blessings.

Random Pix on my new camera...

Paul enjoying the toys before the crazy squad kids show up...

Taking a break from washing dishes and noticing the sun shining in through the window...

Josephs monkey face...

Me, trying to figure out the timer on my camera and making a crazy face in a panic...

Chris having a moment in Dundas Station...

A Beautiful Soul

I was thinking today about the blessings that I have in terms of the people in my life. There are definitely several beautiful souls that have been huge strengths to me in various aspects of my life and been there at crucial points when I needed someone the most. I wanted to take a minute to highlight one particular person who has been and continues to be a huge influence in my life.

This is the beautiful and fantastic Sharon Hann.

Sharon is one of the most genuine and selfless people that I know. There is nothing fake about the love and passion she puts into everything she does...and everyone she meets. I think literally every time I meet up with Sharon we meet somebody new. She has this simple and inviting smile that she always wears that just seems to draw people to her. We could be intentionally setting out to meet someone who is sitting panhandling on a downtown street...or just walking and talking...but somehow we always meet someone new who seems to be drawn to her friendly and beautiful spirit. She is definitely the type of person that I could just never get sick of spending time with and I learn from every time I have a conversation with her.

Some people have told Sharon that she's too trusting...that she's not careful enough with the people that she meets and puts time into talking to and showing the love of God through her words and actions. But it's just not true. Sharon has been blessed with such an incredible gift of just genuinely loving people..no matter who it is. And with the gift of meeting people...without fear or judgment.

I was told by someone that we met once that I was the "protector"...that I was with Sharon to look out for her and make sure she didn't come to any harm. Truth is...I don't ever worry about Sharon, even when she tells me of people she met while walking somewhere alone at night. Because I know that God gave her this gift for a reason...and He is always walking with her. In a city like Toronto where people are afraid of the unknown, and unwilling to bridge the gap of brokenness and loneliness...Sharon is one of those beautiful souls who are constantly reaching out to those who need love the most, and does so without fear of the unknown or judging what might initially appear to be ugly or unwelcoming.

Sharon has been an incredible positive Christian influence in my life over the past six years or so...especially over the past three. She has been there with a listening ear, encouraging and sympathic words, and always with prayerful support. I thank God so much for all that she's brought to my life...for all the laughs and good times that we've had, for how she's helped me to grow in my Christian walk, for all the wonderful conversations, and for how she's continually challenged me to look outside of myself and into my surroundings to see God and how I can love His people more genuinely.

Sharon...I love you and I don't know where I'd be without you. Never change (especially not for any boy lol) and continue to love God and those around you with all the passion that you've been blessed with. God's got such an awesome plan for your life, and I can't wait for the next exciting step in your journey of life!!

Blessings!

Lying on a bed of leaves.

Autumn Fun.

Trick-or-Treat

I haven't been trick-or-treating since the ripe ol' age of 14...and did I ever miss it!

Last night I headed down to Regent to meet up with some kids and parents to hit up the park and Cabbagetown for some free candy. I forgot how excited kids get about this night!! It was a struggle to keep up with a couple of the energetic ones (pre sugar overload I might add)...so I ended up trailing behind with two of the boys who were Siamese twins as they took a bit longer to walk up the stairs to peoples houses.

It was really beautiful to see how the people of Regent Park and Cabbagetown come together for this one night. Theirs no stigmas or boundaries..just everyone out enjoying the night. A couple times I got hit with culture shock while in the richer areas...one time being when we saw a couple casually walking down the middle of the road amongst the crowds of children carrying some champagne in wine glasses. I had to do a double take.

After about 2 hours of strolling the streets, exchanging smiles and hugs with kids I knew, and just enjoying the mass chaos that was literally hundreds of children going door to door...we started to head back as the Siamese twins were slowly fading (and then one ended up also bleeding as they had tripped over their oversized pants and face planted into the cement).

But then I ran into the Igniter girls, and Kanga..and they were just bursting with energy! So we spent the next hour doing some trick-or-treating ourselves and taking advantage of the free candy night! It definitely makes the experience that much better to go out with a couple of Australians and French girls who have never participated in Halloween before. I can remember the last time I had gone out (at 14), being yelled at for being too old. But maybe because our costumes were just so great...we never once heard any comment of the sort. Instead just got a lot of smiles and laughs (especially at Shauns costume)...and of course, loads of candy! Kanga was even told that soon she'll be old enough to be able to drink! (Kanga is turning 26...hmm..).

Anyways...it was a fantastic night overal, and definitely one of my top Halloween experiences. Below is a pick of our "adult" trick-or-treating group. (Go to my MSN spaces for some more photos.)

Anyone else do anything exciting?

Happy Birthday Phil!