A Circus of Redemption

"Do you know what Paul said about the stuff he wrote and taught? He said he didn't write with big and fancy words to try to impress people; rather, he just told the truth, God's truth, and let that be what it was, powerful and honest, making sense of life."

- Donald Miller, Searching for God Knows What

The Good Book

I've been pondering over something the last couple of days so I thought that I would share it.

Technology is always advancing, always getting better, faster, and smarter. It seems as soon as you buy the "latest" of a cell phone, tv, computer or dvd player, something even better comes out the next day. We want to keep up with the times, be trendy and hip and relevant.

A couple of weeks ago I went to Mitchells Christian Book Store, to do some Christmas shopping. While I was there I ran into Amy and we talked and walked around the store together for a bit. When we got to where the Bible section was, we were amazed at how many different versious there are now. There are literally dozens apon dozens of "modern" translations of the good book. There are serveral different versions now in magazine form, hoping to be relevant to the trendy teen. And the "Message" version of the Bible is now in a smaller form, which comes in a cool tin lunch box style case. It is also now selling as the "energy" Bible..with the pages being split in half, with NIV on one side, and the Message version on the other.

I know that it is important for people to be able to find a Bible that they enjoy reading. But doesn't it seem like we're getting caught up with the whole always needing something relevant, trendy, and cool? How many different versions do we actually need to have? Are we getting to the point where we're watering down what the original message was intended to say and reading too much into it all?

Growing up within a Christian family I have tons of Bibles that I was given over the years. But really, I hardly looked at or used any of them. I actually only use a Bible that I was given when I was 14. It's actually a youth walk Bible..and although I'm not a teen anymore, I've kindof grown attached to it and I'm reluctant to get a new one. But do we need to have a different Bible for every stage of our life? Do we need a Bible for every different relevant and modern translation that is out there??

These are just my thoughts...any others?

What do we really want?

"Jesus was always, and I mean always, talking about love, about people, about relationship, and He never broke anything into steps or formulas. What if, because we were constantly trying to dissect His message, we were missing a blatant invitation? I began to wonder if becoming a Christian did not work more like falling in love than agreeing with a list of true principles. I had met a lot of people who agree with all those true principles, and they were jerks, and a lot of other people who believed in those principles, but who also claimed to love Jesus, who were not jerks. It seems like something else has to take place in the heart for somebody to become a believer, for somebody to understand the gospel of Jesus. It began to seem like more then just a cerebral exercise. What if the gospel of Jesus was an invitation to know God?

Earthly love, I mean the stuff I was trying to get by sounding smart, is temporal and slight so that it has to be given again and again in order for us to feel any sense of security; but God's love, God's voice and presence, would instill our souls with such affirmation we would need nothing more and would cause us to love other people so much we would be willing to die for them. Perhaps this is what the apostles stumbled apon."

-Donald Miller, Searching for God knows what

Fear of commitment?

Commitment. Relationships. Community.

These are all words that have come up a lot recently in conversations I've been having with people.
Seems like this is the key..the missing link..what we need to be living the ministry for God.
Yet how many of us actually are living out these themes, instead of just talking about them?

So many people want to be able to commit to something, to feel that they are activity doing God's work, yet this seems to be one of our biggest challenges. Finding where we fit, where our place is, and where we can commit. We want to be in full time ministry, yet we run from things that need our full commitment, in fear that we will get tied down and fill our lives with "stuff." Where do we draw the line? When do we stop moving and finally stick to something in God's name?

"Where you gonna go? Salvation is here..."

We talk about the revival of the Salvation Army...how "our" generation is going to do something huge...that something on a worldy scale is going to take place. How can we expect to be apart of something that big, if we aren't willing to commit to something so small? Like committing to a personal relationship with God, or committing to a church, or committing to the people in our own communities?

Now, community. There's my next thing that I've been struggling with. I know that community is an important part of being a follower of Jesus, because if God wanted us to be alone He wouldn't have given us the ability to build relationships with people, and He would've made us self-sufficient. I know that I can't go down this path alone, and that the Lord will put people into my life that I will need to get me through both negative and positive situations that come along.

But something that I have always struggled with in growing up in the Salvation Army is just the exclusiveness of it all. I know it's nearly impossible to erase all lines of divisions between "groups" of different people, because everyone will always have people in their lives that they are closer to then others. But we have become really good at being exclusive, maybe even...(dare I say it)...snobby. Growing up I stayed away from a lot of church people because I just did not fit the bill of the type of people who were in my age group. Now that I'm older, I can see how incredibly God has changed the lives of so many of those people who I used to stay away from. They are passionate in their relationships with the Lord and wanting to great things. But...exclusiveness can still become a problem. What about those who still don't fit the bill because they aren't as passionate, or don't share the same views as these people?

We naturally want to be with others who will make us comfortable and who share the same views and opinions as us. But I think a part of just being a follow of Jesus, is reaching out beyond what we are comfortable with, and who we are comfortable with.

So..we need a community, people who we trust and can share with, and will help us grow in all areas. But we can't always hope to be in a community that is comfortable, that is just about ourselves.

These are all definitly just my opinions and views, and random thoughts that I have been thinking about from different conversations with people. So what do I see that needs to happen?

I think that we need people who are going to commit. And I'm not saying just in my division of the Army, but where ever it is that God is calling you to..be brave, and commit. And if God isn't calling you to somewhere other then where you are...maybe you need to look around exactly where you are right now. Guaranteed your community could probably use you. Stay strong and don't fall into the trap of filling your time up with "stuff" but instead just allow God to use you however you are needed. Only after we have commitment can we have community, and relationships. How can we hope for relationships with people if we aren't willing to commit to staying in their lives for a given length of time?

Don't just wait for someone "more" passionate to come along before you do something. If you're open to it, and just trust the Lord, you'll be equipped with everything you need for what God might be asking of you.

As my good mate Chris has been telling me (see I can use English slang too haha), we need warriors who want to get into the trenches and get their hands dirty! We need committed soldiers who aren't going to back down when a challenge or stumbling block comes their way.

Are you in or out?

Be My Escape

I’ve given up on giving up slowly
I’m blending in so you won’t even know me
Apart from this whole world that shares my fate.
This one last pull you mention
It’s my one last shot at redemption
Cause I know to live you must give your life away.

And I’ve been housing all this doubt
and insecurity
And I’ve been locked inside that house
All the while you hold the key
And I’ve been dying to get out
And that might be the death of me.
And even though there’s no way of knowing
Where to go
I promise I’m goin because…

I gotta get out of here
I’m stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake
I gotta get out of here
And I’m begging you, I’m begging you, I’m begging you to be my escape.

I’ve given up on doing this alone now
Guess I failed and I’m ready to shown now
You told me the way and now I’m tryin to get there

And this life sentence that I’m serving
I admit that I’m every bit deserving
But the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair

Cause I’ve been housing all this doubt
and insecurity
And I’ve been locked inside that house
All the while you hold the key
And I’ve been dying to get out
And that might be the death of me.
And even though there’s no way of knowing
Where to go
I promise I’m goin because…

I gotta get out of here
Cause I’m afraid that this complacency is something I can’t shake (yeah)
I gotta get out of here
And I’m begging you, I’m begging you, I’m begging you to be my escape.

I am a hostage to my own humanity
Self-detained and forced to live in this mess I’ve made
And all I’m asking is for you to do what you can with me
But I can’t ask you to give what you already gave.

Cause I’ve been housing all this doubt
and insecurity
And I’ve been locked inside that house
All the while you hold the key
And I’ve been dying to get out
That might be the death of me.
And even though there’s no way of knowing
Where to go
I promise I’m goin because…

I gotta get out of here
I’m stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake
I gotta get out of here
And I’m begging you, I’m begging you, I’m begging you to be my escape.

I fought you for so long I should have let you win
Oh how we regret those things we do
And all I was trying to do was save my own skin
But so were you
So were you.

-Relient K

A fantastic day!

Today turned out to be a busy day! A lot more busy then I had anticipated...but it was jammed packed with good times, so I'm feeling fantastic!

I originally was supposed to be at my church for the whole afternoon helping out with the Sunday school Christmas play. But I was relieved of that duty, much to my excitement, and decided then to head down to the service at 614 in regent park before the program at my church started.

As soon as I walked into the door I was just blasted with blessings, it was wonderful. I couldn't stop smiling from the moment I got there until long after I left. The first blessing was getting to see my girl Tammy, a graduate from the Ignite team from last year, who was up from the U.S visiting for the week. I had no idea that she was going to be there, so seeing her absolutely made my day! It was really really exciting to hear about everything that she's involved with back home. In January she gets to be apart of running a new program that is similar to Ignite, in Georgia. She is so pumped about it, and it is so awesome to see programs like this popping up in more places throughout the Salvation Army!

Shortly after that I ran into my little buddy Nicolas, who is about 2 years old, and I had met Thanksgiving weekend. He is one of the cutest kids that I've ever seen and just gets attached to me whenever I go, so I got to hang out with this little guy all night...which also just brightened up my day.

And then the final blessing, which was the highlight of my weekend, was finding out the 614 kids were doing their Christmas pageant! I absolutely just love the kids in regent park, so getting to see a program they were putting on was just fantastic! It was fairly simple, but filled with such an incredible amount of heart! All of these kids are just so real, so when they do something like this you know it's genuine and straight from their hearts. I loved seeing the guys who were playing the wise men do their part. When the lyrics of the song said "and kings will take off their crowns.." they all took off their paper crowns that they were wearing and knelt down and laid it on the ground in front of them. It was so simple, but so incredible to see. It was evident that these kids knew exactly what Christmas is about and were just surrendering it back to Jesus. Then for the concluding number, all the angels, shepherds and wise men joined together to sing along and dance to "Joyful Joyful" (the version from Sister Act 2) complete with one of the older guys rapping along to the rap that pops up in the middle of the song.

It was just a fantastic night. Something about 614 just fills me with the Holy Spirit, each and every time I go, and tonight was no different. Getting a chance to see about 20 kids tell the Christmas story, and genuinely demonstrate the real reason for this holiday season, absolutely made my Christmas.

December has just flown by (only 5 days left to Christmas...what the?!) and earlier today I was just trying to put myself into the holiday spirit by reminding myself how quickly it's coming, despite my ability to accept it. But tonight is what did it for me. I'm ready for Christmas to come now. I guess sometimes it helps to be able to see Jesus through the eyes of a child.

Blessings this Christmas season!!

Christmas Family Fellowship

Well I just returned home from a fun filled night of hanging out with the fam (a.k.a. the "collective"). There were 15 of us all together at my aunt and uncle's house up at Stouffville and Yonge. It is always an interesting time when we all get together (mostly because we're all loud and have a lot to say, so you can only imagine haha).

My highlights of the evening mostly revolve around my two and a half year old cousin Joseph. He is most definitly the family entertainer, and he knows it! He had me absolutely killing myself laughing when at one point, he let out a huge belch, covered his mouth, and then yelled in a high pitched voice "oh my!" Then he had the whole family splitting their sides when out of no where he started running around the living room, and then the kitchen in circles, yelling "happy dance! happy dance!" and none of us have any idea where he picked this one up! (He's a nut, but he fits right in!)

The most eventful part of our evening though was the gingerbread house making competition. We had two sets of pieces to build two houses, so it turned into a bit of a challenge between two teams. Dionne, Jocelyn and myself took one house, while Donna, Bradley and my Aunt Mel took the other. It got pretty competitive when Bradley tried to sabotage our chimney after theirs wouldn't stay on, and all Di kept yelling was "we need another orange smartie stat!" An icing fight even broke out between multiple people and it became a little bit of a mass chaos. I ended up with more icing on me then was on our gingerbread house, but I have no one to blame but myself as I cut the whole in the icing package just a tad too big.

As our evening died down, we sipped hot apple cider and listened to a recording of "O Holy Nightmare" that my uncle got from someone (it's a man very whole heartedly singing "O Holy Night"..but unfortunately, God did not bless this man with the ability to sing..at all...).

Overal the evening was an awesome one. Just fellowship between family members, and lots of memories and laughs shared. Isn't that one of the greatest things about this holiday season though? Just having an excuse to get together with lots of close family and friends and just enjoy each others company. Something about this time of year gives you that feeling inside that you just want to be close to all those that you love, and spend some good quality time together. It's one of my favourite things that happen at Christmas anyways (next to having an opportunity to celebrate and remember the birth of Jesus Christ of course!)

Does anyone else have any family Christmas stories or traditions they'd like to share? Either from this year or years past? I'd love to hear them, so share away!

This is a picture that I took in the summer of 2000 when I worked at a camp in Saskatchewan. This province has the most beautiful skies that I have ever seen in my life, and I'm continually awed at how gorgeous a place this is every time I go and visit. I just recently came across this picture again, and I absolutly love it because it wasn't until after I got the film developed that I realized there is a cross in the middle of the clouds...and I think it's one of the coolest things I've ever seen.

Steps

"The truth is there are a million steps, and we don't even know what the steps are, and worse, at any given moment we may not be willing or even able to take them; and still worse, they are different for you and me and they are always changing. I have come to belive the sooner we find this truth beautiful, the sooner we will fall in love with the God who keeps shaking things up, keeps changing the path, keeps rocking the boat to test our faith in Him, teaching us to not rely on easy answers bullet points, magic mantras, or genies in lamps, but rather in His guidance, His existence, His mercy and His love."

- Donald Miller, Searching for God Knows What

We shall win with fire and blood!

My Grandpa suggested to me to look up this song, so I thought that I would share it. It's definilty an inspiring one. I bolded the words that stood out to me..but there is still so much more. I'm still taking in all that this song inspired in me. Did it strike up anything in you?

"Pray for liberty in the service of our wondrous, loving Lord" - Bruce Halsey

Jesus, give thy blood-washed Army (Song #593)

Jesus, give thy blood-washed Army
Universal liberty;
Keep us fighting, trusting calmly
For a world-wide jubilee.
Hallelujah!
We shall have the victory.

Thou hast bound brave hearts together,
Clothed us with the Spirit's might,
Made us warriors forever,
Sent us in the field to fight.
In the Army
We will serve thee day and night.

'Neath thy scepter foes are bending,
And thy name makes devils fly;
Captives' fetters thou art rending.
And thy blood doth sin destroy.
For thy glory
We will fight until we die.

Lift up valleys, cast down mountains,
Make all evil natures good;
Wash the world in Calvary's fountain,
Send a great salvation flood.
All the nations
We shall win with fire and blood.

William James Pearson (1832-92)

Be Free

"Walk with me and work with me--watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly." - Matthew 11:29-30 (MSG)

"So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed" - John 8:36

Relevant Passion

"I don't think any church has ever been relevant to culture, to the human struggle, unless it believed in Jesus and the power of His gospel. If the supposed new church beleives in trendy music and cool Web pages, then it is not relevant to culture either. It is just another tool of Satan to get people passionate about nothing."

-Donald Miller, Blue Like Jazz

He still loves me

Took me awhile, but i'm finally here
So I just wanna testify, make it crystal clear
See I've been picked out, to be picked on
Talked about out my friend's mouth
I've been beat down, til' he turned my life around

Seems like I always fall short of being worthy
Cuz I ain't good enough, but he still loves me
I ain't no superstar, the spot light ain't shinin' on me
Cuz I ain't good enough, but he still loves me

I used to, wake up somedays,
and wished I had stayed asleep
Cuz I went to bed on top of the world,
today the world is on top of me
Now everybody's got opinions
They ain't been in my position
But it breaks my heart when I hear what they
Have to say about me

Seems like we always fall short
of being worthy (Lord I ain't worthy)
Cuz I ain't good enough,but he still loves me
I ain't no superstar,
the spot light ain't shinin' on me
Cuz I ain't good enough, but he still loves me

I'm not perfect
Yes I do wrong
I'm trying my best
But It aint good enough
Shunned by the world
If I don't succeed
Cuz I aint good enough
But he still loves me

If you ain't worth just raise your hands
And let me know that you understand
That we are all so blessed to be loved
Stand for him and fall for anything
Cuz through his eyes we all look the same
What would we do, with a blame?

Seems like we always fall short
of being worthy
Cuz I ain't good enough,
but he still loves me
I ain't no superstar
the spot light ain't shinin' on me
Cuz I ain't good enough, but he still loves me

I'm not perfect
Yes I do wrong
I'm trying my best
But It aint good enough
Shunned by the world
If I don't succeed
Cuz I aint good enough
But he still loves me

I'm not perfect
Yes I do wrong
I'm trying my best
But It aint good enough
Shunned by the world
If I don't succeed
Cuz I aint good enough
But he still loves me

No I ain't good enough
But he still loves me
No I ain't good enough
But he still loves me (Even though I ain't worthy)
No I aint good enough (You ain't worthy, he's there for you)
But he stil loves me (No matter what I do)
No I aint good enough (I ain't good enough)
But he stil loves me

I need to be free

After having months of Monday's that were continually busy with other things, I was finally able to get to a Teheilla this past Monday after not going since the beginning of September.

Teheilla is a non-denominational service at the Canada Christian College that runs every Monday night. I started going with my sis and Chris Tidd back in February and got absolutely hooked on it. It really opened me up to just how differently people experience God and how open and loud people encounter the Lord.

On Monday when I went I got shook really hard by God. It was incredible. Within the 2 hours that I was there so much took place between God and I. I left the building feeling completely drained and exhausted, but totally alive in Christ. It would take a lot of time and space to write out all that happen, plus I guess a lot of it is personal. But if you'd like to know, ask me about it outside this blog.

I am going to share one thing though that I really got from God Monday night. And hopefully it's not stepping on anyone's toes, but if it's a message from God, I can't be silent.

Freedom. Being free to worship without any boundaries, and to just be free in God. I hadn't realized it, but I had begun to slowly be pressed in on and conformed by the services at my church. Now that's not to say anything against my church or those who run it, but just a personal statement. The last few weeks I've had a lot going through my head, and have had a lot of confusion. But I think this was the answer. I wasn't free. I was encountering God, but there were barriers in the way. I hadn't let myself loose and just completely opened myself up to the Lord. And I think this has a lot to do with the church services that I attend.

The Salvation Army isn't free. It hasn't been released. We would know it if it had been. It's like there is something sitting on the chests of all those who come to church, preventing them from just breathing God in, and shouting out His praises. Why is the church so quiet? I know not everyone worships in the same way...but the good Lord gave everyone a voice to praise and honour Him. So why I can't hear them? Why do songs sung from the songbook sound like forced praises? And why do responsive readings sound like we're in a cult?

WE AREN'T FREE

We don't have to be dancing down the isles, or speaking in tongues to be having a "proper" encounter with God, or a "good" church service. What we need though is freedom. I need to be able to feel that if the Holy Spirit came apon me in such a way that I couldn't stay still, or I need to shout and cry his praises, I would be free to do that in a Salvation Army church...in my church. People may tell me that I am free...but I know I'm not. I can feel it the minute I walk into that buildling. God can feel it too...and He's sick of it.

I tasted freedom Monday night. And how did I respond? Honestly? I sat in a heap on the floor and cried and shouted out to God that this was something that I could always feel. That the Salvation Army could feel. That I could feel in my church. For God to be unleashed. I have never had an experience like this before, and I know that God is moving and wants something done..now.

I'm sick of peoples good intentions and hopeful words..just as I know many others are. But I'm not telling you to do anything about it. I'll wait for God to shake you free in His own time. I'm going to get my butt out of my comfy chair and follow the Lord to freedom. I'm also tired of people saying that they're not comfortable when seeing people worship very visibly (not saying that you have to physically be able to see someone worshiping in order for them to be experiencing God). But you know what? That's a good thing if you're uncomfortable, if you're a little squirmy..That means the Holy Spirit is moving. You shouldn't be comfortable. God help us if we are.

I BELIEVE I WILL LIVE TO SEEM MY NATION ON IT'S KNEES

RIGHT NOW REVIVAL STARTS WITH ME

And this is all I can say right now...

Tonight at Connexity we sang a song by David Crowder Band, but this was my first time hearing it. It really hit me and just moved me to tears as I read along with the lyrics. I think that this song just puts into words a lot better then I've been able to, what I've been going through the past week or so. This has almost literally been my prayer to God over the last little while. Here are the lyrics..enjoy...

All I can say

Lord I'm tired
So tired from walking
And Lord I'm so alone
And Lord the dark
Is creeping in
Creeping up
To swallow me
I think I'll stop
Rest here a while

And this is all that I can say right now
And this is all that I can give
And this is all that I can say right now
And this is all that I can give, thats my everything

And didn't You see me cry'n?
And didn't You hear me call Your name?
Wasn't it You I gave my heart to?
I wish You'd remember
Where you sat it down

And this is all that I can say right now, I know its not much.
But this is all that I can give, yeah thats my everything.
This is all that I can say right now, I know its not much.
But this is all that I can give, yeah thats my everything.

I didn't notice You were standing here
I didn't know that
That was You holding me
I didn't notice You were cry'n too
I didn't know that
That was You washing my feet

And this is all that I can say right now, oh I know its not much.
But this is all that I can give, yeah thats my everything.
This is all that I can say right now, I know its not much.
But this is all that I can give, yeah thats my everything.
And this is all that I can say right now, oh i know its not much.
But this is all that I can give, yeah thats my everything.

yeah thats my everything
everything........

Bob and Larry...The Encouragers

It's funny how sometimes we can find encouragement in the most unlikely places, especially when we're not looking for it.

Today I am spending the day babysitting my 2 year old cousin (the fam is off to the Salvation Army concert at Massey Hall). It really isn't so much babysitting, but more just hanging out with the little guy as he's a lot of fun to spend time with. (Granted, he's not so fun when he's fighting sleep and becomes extremely grumpy..but now that he's finally taking his nap, things are starting to look up!)

Anyways, earlier today we watched the new Veggie Tales movie "Sumo of the Opera." (Joseph is a big fan of the veggies). I hadn't seen this one before, and I was making lunch at the same time it was on, so I was only half paying attention. Basically though it's about perseverance. Larry (the cucumber) was getting frustrated with a commitment he had made to help needy children, as it was a lot harder then he thought it would be. So Bob (the tomato), being the great friend that he is, decided he would share a story about perseverance with Larry to help get motivated to finish what he had started. The story then unfolds about a Sumo wrestler who has a lot of difficulty finishing tasks that he starts. Then one day a huge opportunity comes his way, and if he's able to persevere through it, there is a great reward waiting for him. But, that's all I'm going to say about the story, because I don't want to ruin it for all you Veggie Tale fans out there who haven't seen this one yet.

After the story is over, Bob and Larry (after learning a valuable lesson) share a Bible verse for all the viewers to read. The one the shared this time was:

"You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised. " - Hebrew 10:36

Such a simple verse, but it can be so difficult to follow when things get tough. After reading the verse, Bob and Larry just shared some final thoughts. Then Bob said "even when it's hard you need to be a finisher! God promises that finishing has it's rewards!"

This year God has convicted me of a lot of thing, and to give up a lot as well. Some days, it seems so easy and without a second thought my life is completely in the Lord's hands. Other days, I really struggle, and I just want to do things my own way and forget what it is that God has asked me to do.

So this is where the unlooked for encouragement came from. Without knowing I needed a kick in the pants, God used a talking tomato and cucumber to remind me that I need to be a finisher! God has told me that "something better"...a reward far beyond anything that I can imagine..is waiting for me at the end of this year, and then in the future beyond that.

So yah, this blog entry was a little cheesy, but common..I've been hanging out with a two year old all day! And besides that, I happen to quite enjoy Veggie Tales.

Anyways, thats about it for now!

Keep persevering!

What do we do now?

As I've mentioned in a previous blog I absolutly love conversations with people, especially ones face to face. And I think a huge part of the lull I found myself in this past week, and the difficultly I've had over the past few months, is that lack of real solid conversations with people. I spent this past year just building relationships with people through conversation, and in turn, building my own faith through it. And then when September rolled around, I lost all those relationships I had built (well, by that I mean seeing those people every day and being able to talk for hours on end on a daily basis with them). And that hit me really hard.

But this week has been different. Yesterday I had an absolutely fabulous conversation with a new friend of mine, while sitting at a Tim Hortons. And I can't even begin to type out all the topics and areas that we covered in our conversation, because it just covered so much...but it was all just really good. And it definitly got my thoughts going about a lot, which is a really good thing because since September my mind hasn't been getting challenged like it should be! So since that conversation, almost none stop, my thoughts have just been going crazy about so many topics, and because of that today I had another fabulous conversation with Scarboroughs wonderful youth pastor.

So...something that at this exact moment is going through my mind, which is an unleashed thought since I had the conversation yesterday at Timmies. It definitly seems to be a reoccuring theme over the past little while from people that I've been talking to, that something needs to happen. The youth of the Salvation Army needs to unite, the passion and fire that started the Sally Ann needs to be re-ignited, and we need to get out of our comfy pews and beyond our church walls, and back out into the community building relationships like we used to do.

So, we have that established. I think a lot more people then I've talked to are also sharing these thoughts but either feel that they're alone on it and aren't saying anything, or they're talking but no one is listening. Either way, this is pretty much the feeling of a lot of youth and young adults in the Salvo community is feeling (actually, I won't limit it to just that, I'm sure a lot of the "older generation" would love to see a revival of the good 'ol days of the Army).

So now what? There is definitely the willingness, the awareness and the un-tapped passion and talent just waiting for something to happen. And I am a firm believer that something is going to happen my friends...there is something brewing that God is just waiting to let loose. But what do we do until then? Or is it even a matter of waiting for God to hand us the answer on a silver platter? Do we just spend the next while in prayer and patience waiting for divine inspiration? Or do we already have the answer and the means and no one is stepping up to get the ball rolling? And if it's just a matter of getting united and getting it going, then what is the 'it' that needs to happen? A huge dramatic change in the way our Salvation Army churches and programs are already being run? Or just another church with a 'modern' spin to it?

We definitely need to get away from just being hyped up and excited about 'saving the world' and realize that we need to start right in our own backyards and we have to stop just getting on the 'moutain top' with our emotions and actually commit to something that is going to be permanent and beneficial to the cause. And I think a lot of the solution has to do with community, communication and buildling relationships with people...but that's a whole other rant.

So, let me hear your ideas, your thoughts, your 'divine inspirations'...and remember...we are all on the same side, fighting for the same cause...and we're definitly not alone with our situations, thoughts or conflicts (which I was so wonderfully reminded of yesterday..thx :)

Comment away!

Somebody to love....

Well..I'm doing better today.

I'm actually sitting here dancing and singing away in my computer chair to "somebody to love"...cept it's probably not the version you're thinking of. I'm going to guarantee you've probably never heard of this version. It's sung by Anne Hathaway (Princess Diaries chick). It's from the movie Ella Enchanted. I've watched it like 3 times this week. It's just one of those simple feel good movies that is great for the whole family. Anyways, when she's visiting the giants (in the movie) she (Ella) sings "somebody to love" and it's just so catchy and cute, so I love it. Sometimes you just need something cute and simple to make you simple. Maybe that's just me...Or a girl thing. Either way, it works.

So, like I said, today has been a better day for me for just feeling positive. I started feeling a lot better after having a conversation with a very good friend of mine who just gave me some encouraging words. And as I hold what he says in high regard, and it was a perfect timing type of conversation, a few words definilty went a long way. (Thanks again chatchi)

I also went tonight to a "Youth Force" meeting at DHQ for youth leaders and representatives for our division. I went with our youth pastor from Scarborough, as a representation of our youth and ministry team. Overall I enjoyed it. It was awesome to get to see lots of familiar faces, like the ignite team and 614 representatives, and youth pastors from other churches. But it sounds like there are lots of ideas and plans for the youth of this division just to get united and on track for God. For some of the things, it'll take a bit of time and planning, but if God is kept at the centre of it all, I think it's really going to work out incredibly. It was awesome to see so many people just ready to give their all to get things going for the youth in this division. One of my friends was there who isn't a youth leader, and I just jokingly asked why he came tonight. He said that he cares a lot about the youth in this division and hopes to some day take on a larger role. And that is really really awesome to see. Just leaders rising up to take on the roles and job of leading this next generation into battle for the Lord. I think overall it was just refreshing for me to see that the Army definitly isn't dead and there are lots of people right here in our division willing to fight for the future of this next generation of youth coming up.

We really can't just keep continually hoping that there will be a revival of the Army or just of God thriving in peoples lives. We need people to keep stepping up to the task and challenge of leading these young warriors in the right direction. There is soooo much potential that is just untapped in all of the corps around this division!! I can see it right in my pre-teen Sunday school class. They've got so much to say, so much God-given talent, and so much passion to back it up, and no outlet for it! I am definitly excited for the next year or two as things are going to start picking up. And I'm even more excited for the opportunities for God to use me to help get things going!

I think that's about it for now. I'm tired and definitly need to head off to bed. Well...After I listen to my song one more time. Maybe a little hair brush karoke is in order before hitting the sack...

Alone....

At the risk of this turning into a posting of complaining...I'm just going to ramble a little about how I'm feeling right now. And I don't want it to be a blog of self pity or anything, but I just want to try and get into words whats going on in my head right now...

So this week has been kindof a struggle I guess you could say, for different reasons.

I've just really been feeling alone lately. And not alone in the sense because I'm single or anything like that at all. It's almost like I'm just standing still while everyone, and everything else, is passing me by. I guess it's still hard not having the group of people that I became close with around since the summer ended. And it's still a little strange not being in school. Mostly because I think I'm not constantly having something that is due, or my day being completely structured because of classes.

I feel stuck between worlds. I don't fit into the age and maturity level of the youth group at my church. Not that I don't love them to pieces, and they aren't good friends. But being the oldest person at youth events, next to the youth pastor, can be kindof hard sometimes. And then there is the older 20's group at my church. But the majority of them are married, or just at a completely different stage in life then I am. I feel stuck...and alone.

Now I definitly don't want to come off as selfish saying that I need to have lots of close friends, or anything to that extent. Just, when the above things all add up and come to one's attention all at once...it can become a struggle.

I'm kindof at a loss as to what to do right now. I know that a lot of this is a test for me to just trust it all to God and to get all my strength from Him. And I definilty don't doubt that at all, or that God has a plan for this year for me, or that He is in control. I'm just in a slum I guess...and desperatly trying to seek my way out of it.

Any suggestions?

The Beautiful Letdown

I absolutly fell in love with Switchfoot this summer after finally buying their newest album.
One of my favourite songs from this CD is "The Beautiful Letdown."
I love it just because of the simple truth that it talks about.
We don't belong here. Earth isn't our home, we're strangers here. And it might be a letdown at first, because it's all that we know. But then once we realize that we have an eternity waiting for us some place far far greater...it all becomes so beautiful.

The Beautiful Letdown

It was a beautiful letdown
When I crashed and burned
When I found myself alone, unknown and hurt
It was a beautiful letdown
The day I knew
That all the riches this world had to offer me
Would never do

In a world full of bitter pain and bitter doubt
I was trying so hard to fit in, fit in
Until I found out

That I don't belong here (I don't belong)
I don't belong here (I don't belong)
I will carry a cross and a song
Where I don't belong, I don't belong

It was a beautiful letdown
When you found me here
Yeah for once in a rare blue moon
I see everything clear

I'll be a beautful letdown
That's what I'll forever be
And though it may cost my soul
I'll sing for free
We're still chasing our tails in the rising sun
In our dark water planet still spinning
No one wins and no one's won

See I don't belong here
I don't belong, I don't belong
I will carry a cross and a song
Where I don't belong, I don't belong
I don't belong here, I don't belong here
I don't belong here, I don't belong
I'm gonna set sight and set sail for the kingdom come
Kingdom come
Your kingdom come
Won't you let me down yeah
Let my foolish pride
Forever let me down

Ah, easy living, you're not much like your name
Easy dying, hey you look just about the same
Would you please take me off your list
Easy living, please come on and let me down

We are a beautiful letdown
Painfully uncool
The church of the drop outs, the losers, the sinners, the failures, and the fools
Oh what a beautiful letdown
Are we salt in the wound
Hey, let us sing one true tune, yeah

I don't belong here (I don't belong)
I don't belong here (I don't belong)
I don't belong here (I don't belong)
Feels like I don't belong here (I don't belong)
Yeah I don't belong here (I don't belong)
Cuz I don't belong here (I don't belong)
No I don't belong

Would you let me down
Come on and let me down
You always let me down
So glad that I'm let down, yeah

Come on and let me down
Cuz I don't belong to you
Please
Won't you let me down?

Are you a "Christian" ?

Have you ever been put into a stereotype? Had someone classify you the same as the rest of a group based on one reason or another? Have you ever felt the victim of being classified as a "Christian?"

I talked in my last blog about how I am reading "Blue like jazz" and how it has been a very thought provoking experience for me. Something it has currently got me thinking about is the stereotypical "Christian."

I can get into very heated and passionate discussions when it comes to hypocritical Christians, as a lot of members of my youth group could probably tell you. Its one of my biggest pet peeves. Hypocrites. And not just any type...but hypocritical Christians.

Growing up in the Salvation Army, it's a horrible truth to admit that this crime is so evident in our church. "Sunday Christians" or people who have never uttered the words "I'm a Christian" from their mouths, but who go into uniform to be able to play in the band, sing in the songsters, or just to uphold the norm for a 14 year old who attends a Salvation Army church. Hypocritical thought, action, and words are all very present in the church as a whole and amoung seemingly godly people (obviously not just the Salvation Army).

Is it any wonder that people don't want anything to do with religion, or God, or the church? Is it any wonder that it's so hard to be a Christian in a secular setting and stand up for what we believe in? We, the "Christians", have dug our own grave...and now we can't get out.

We claim to live for Jesus, and that we would do anything for the cause. Yet how many of us will pray or read our Bible in a public place? Yes, I am not ashamed as I once was, but it took me 21 years to get to that point. The time when the people alround me really needed my influence, and really could have used hearing about God's love...my whole childhood and teenage years...they've been wasted by my hypocritical behaviour and inability to stand up for what I believe in.

Who do we look to when we need someone to blame for the bad rap that Christians get? Who's fault is it that people have such bitter memories of the church or of a "Christian" encounter? I'll tell you. It's our fault. The "Christians." The people claiming to be living their lives for Jesus. And it's time we start taking responsibility for it, confessing our hypocritical behaviour, and asking for forgiveness. Yes we need to ask our Father in Heaven for forgiveness...but what about everyone who has been offended, hurt, crushed, and damaged? What about all those lost souls who for one reason or another has formed a negative and misinformed opinion of God because of human weakness? Why should the cause of Christ suffer because of our negligence and laziness??

We are human. We are weak. And just because we're "Christians" doesn't exempt us from that. We need to face up to the fact that we make mistakes, and we misrepresent God. I think that we need to disassociate ourselves from the term of "Christianity" and instead of trying to witness as if we have something to sell or force apon people, talk about our stories. Talk about what Jesus has done for us. Jesus needs to be real, needs to be a person that we talk to, that we can relate to...someone who likes us. We can't look at witnessing or demonstrating our faith as a job, or an obligation. We should just be so full of the love we have for our Father we can't help but talk about it. Talk about conversations we've had with Him. Talk about the miraculous works he has done in our lives.

You might not have personally offended or hurt anyone by your works as a Christians, or maybe you're just not aware. I look back at anyone who knew that I was a "Christian" yet I lied to them, gossiped about them, hurt them, failed to stand up for what I believe, or they saw some other behaviour from me that I'm ashamed of....and I regret it all. But God is definilty a forgiving God. And He understands. He just wants me to do a lot better next time around.

I don't want to be a stereotypical Christian. I want to be someone who is known for having a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. I want people to be able to hear and really listen when I tell them about the passion and love I have for my Father in Heaven. I don't want to be ashamed. And I don't want to misrepresent the most important person in my life.

God deserves to be seen in this world! He deserves his children to be showing what living for Him really means! No more hypocritical behaviour...no more "Christianity." We need to find out what Jesus means to us, what role He really has in our lives...and if we feel that He is worth living for.

To say that we would die for our faith and for God is a great and powerful thing. But to really LIVE for Him...That's far greater.

Blue Like Jazz

I'm currently reading a book called "Blue Like Jazz" by Donald Miller. I have a few friends who have read it and really enjoyed it, so I borrowed it from Jess so that I could take a look at it.

It is an absolutely amazing book. On the front cover it says "Nonreligious thoughts on Christian Spirituality." Its just completely different from anything I've read before. I've only read about a third of the way through it so far, but already there is just so much thought provoking questions and statements that have just leaped off the pages and got stuck in my head.

I think a lot of it has to do with the way the author writes. It's completely honest, and just gives you such an insight into his mind, and his life. The way that he sees the world, and the type of thought process he has about the things that are around him, it's just beautiful. Almost every sentence that I read just makes me want to have an in depth discussion with someone about Christianity, about my relationship with God, or about how I view the world. I think I'm going to definitely have to read this book a couple times just to absorb all that Donald Miller has put into this book.

There is so much I could comment on from what I've read so far. But I think I'll talk about one of the last things I've read.

Donald was struggling to explain why he believed in Jesus and Christianity to a friend who felt that God was "hunting" her down, but she didn't know how to believe. Here is an excerpt from the book...

"My belief in Jesus did not seem rational or scientific, and yet there was nothing I could do to separate myself from this belief. I think Laura was looking for something rational, because she believed that all things that were true were rational. But that isn't the case. Love, for example, is a true emotion, but it is not rational. What I mean is, people actually feel it. I have been in love, plenty of people have been in love, yet love cannot be proved scientifically. Neither can beauty. Light cannot be proved scientifically, and yet we all believe in light and by light see all things. There are plenty of things that are true that don't' make any sense. I think one of the problems Laura was having was that she wanted God to make sense. He doesn't. He will make no more sense to me then I will make sense to an ant."

Have you ever had difficulties trying to explain the relationship you have with God to someone? Does the difficultly derive from the fact that you yourself don't know how to make sense of it?

I recently emailed a long-time friend and told her my entire story of why I'm not in school this year. It took me about two and a half months to get up the courage to tell her the entire story. I think that it was because that some fellow Christians who I had told the entire thing to, had difficulties believing what I had told them, or accepting what happened as true. I have no "rational" explanation for the turn of events that my life has been these past several months, and therefore I think it's sometimes hard to explain or to make sense of. But I still know, without a doubt in my mind, that it was God moving in my life, and that's all I need to know. I related to another girl in this book, who is a friend of the authors. She was telling her story of how she became a Christian to Donald, and its a story that is kindof hard to accept as is, as it doesn't make "sense." After telling Don that she had an encounter with God, where she heard Him speak to her, she said "Do you believe me?" and Don replied with "I guess." Then his friend responded with "It doesn't matter whether you believe me or not. That is what happened Don. It was crazy. God said it..." And she continues with her story from there.

As hard as it can be sometimes to explain the miraculous works of God in our lives, when it comes down to it, it doesn't need to make sense. Really, that would be too plain, or too boring, if we could understand the almighty God and His wonderous works just like figuring out a math problem. It's just one of those things, like love, that until you experience and feel what someone is trying to explain to you...it won't make sense. But once you've got that feeling in your gut, you just know. You know that God is real. You know that God is capable of immeasurably more then you could ever imagine.

I think I've kindof gone off on a tangent now, so I'll end this post now. But if you enjoy a good read, and want to be challenged, then I suggest reading this book.

God Bless!

Take the plunge...

I just got home from Connexity, Mississaugas alternative youth service. I always love going. Not just because I get to see lots of friendly faces, but I always enjoy hearing Steve Wiseman speak. God just flows through Steve as he worships with the band, and then as he speaks from God's word.

This week revolved around faith. And I thought I would just mention a couple things I got out of tonight, as I just blogged about this topic a couple of days ago.

I looked at faith, as taking the leap. Steve referred to it tonight as "Taking the plunge."

We watched a humourous video that demonstrated this idea as a father tried to get his 15 year old son, to finally take the plunge (literally) off a diving board and into the pool. I really liked the quote that they showed at the end of the
video:

"Fear knocked at the door. Faith answered, and no one was there."

Steve made some interesting points about where we put our faith. We put faith in a light switch, that when we flick it, the lights will come on. Or even the chair that we're sitting in right now. We have faith that it's not going to fall on us. A lot of people don't complete understand why a light turns on when you flip a switch, or what is keeping the chair you are sitting on together, yet we have put our complete trust in these trivial things. So, if we can put our faith and trust in these silly small things...how much more faith is God requiring from us? We don't question the light switch, but all to often we're questioning God.

Some questions that we were asked at Connexity, and then we were asked to talk about in small groups were pretty thought provoking. I'm going to share a couple here (I can't remember the exact wording of the ones we were asked..so I'm ad-libing...) Feel free to contemplate them and then let me know what you think!

- What causes us to doubt?
- What needs to happen for us to be able to trust something?
- Is it a sign of weakness if we doubt or question?

And although I can remember the discussion that we had..I can't remember any more of the questions. But if you can think of any thing else about faith that you've been questioning or pondering, also feel free to share it!

In Faith,

The Joseph-myster 

Flying leap of faith

The picture above is Joseph.

For those of you who haven't had the privledge of getting to meet this little guy, this is my 2 and a half year old cousin. Let me tell you about this little monkey. In all of my families hearts, right from the first moment we laid eyes on him (and even before that I guess when we would sing and talk to my aunts pregnant stomach), we all immediatly fell in love with him and he became a very precious gift to all of us. Just a year or so previous to him being born, my aunt and uncle had another child, Mercedes, who only lives about 27 days before dying due to complications. So Joseph instantly was our gift from God when he was born.

Joseph is absolutly full of energy..actually thats an understatement. He is just always going, always hyper, and always talking! (...fits right in with our family...) But he's just an absolute sweet heart. A game he loves to get me to play with him is hide and seek...except he's still in the stage of "if-i-can't-see-you-then-you-can't-see-me" but it keeps him entertained for quite a long time, and always brings a loud outburst of giggling from his mouth when I "find" him and tickle him until someone else in the room tells him to stop yelling (he laughs very loud haha). I love this kid to pieces, and every time he shouts "Essie!", or wraps his arms around me in a hug, or runs after me when I leave his house to give me one last kiss goodbye...what a pull on my heart strings!

Another game Joseph loves to play is when he's standing on something high and then litterally jumps and throws himself at you, whether you're ready for it or not! This kid demonstrates absoulte complete faith and just leaps into the air and knows, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that he is going to be caught. And then laughs with absolute thrills when he is caught, without a thought of fear or doubt ever having passed through his little head.

How many of us have this kind of faith? The kind of faith that allows you to take a flying leap into the air and just knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that you will be caught? I have a feeling its a struggle for many of you out there, as it is for me.

This year has been full of little, and big, steps of faith that God has called me to. I felt so inadequate to what God wanted me to do, and the level of faith he was asking from me. But then I remembered the verse....

"He replied, "Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."
-Matthew 17:20

...and boy did I ever have the faith of a mustard seed! But i figured..if thats all God needed from me, then what I had to offer would do. And let me tell you..when I was finally able to give that tiny little amount of faith over to God, He allowed it to blossom into something so incredible! He took that miserable excuse for "faith" and allowed me to grow until I was able to trust Him with the 3 biggest struggles of my life! I took the biggest step of faith of my life this past September, and man was I scared! But I was ready to put my trust and faith in Him alone, and everything has worked out! Well...there is still a long road ahead, but I'm on my way, with His help!

Now I know that everytime Joseph gets ready to jump off the coffee table, or a chair, or whatever else he's climbed up on, he isn't thinking "now I just need to put my mustard seed faith in Essie, that she's going to catch me, and then I will move mountains..." But what he is doing, is keeping it simple. He KNOWS that when he leaps into the air I will catch him..no if, ands, or buts. Thats what God needs from us. A leap of faith into the air that is without any thought of doubt, and to just KNOW that He is going to catch us! Nothing complicated, no secret formulas. Just pure trust and faith.

So take a leap of faith. Don't make it complicated. Put yourself into the shoes of a 2 year old and KNOW that when you fly into the air, you're going to be caught!

God Bless!

Even greater things

I received an email today from my Grandpa in BC. He was emailing me in response to reading this site.
He told me to "Read Song 769 for a great stimulant."
So I did.

Here is what is says:

What a work the Lord has done
By his saving grace;
Let us praise him, every one,
In his holy place.
He has saved us gloriously,
Led us onward faithfully,
Yet he promised we should see
Even greater things.

Greater things! Greater things!
Give us faith, O Lord, we pray,
Faith for greater things.

Sanctify they name, O Lord,
By they people here,
For the altar or the sword!
Save us from our fear
When the battle rages fast;
Help us in the fiery blast,
Let us not be overcast,
Prove thy greater things.

Every comrade, Lord, we pray,
Thou wilt richly bless;
Lead us forth into the fray,
One in holiness,
One in faith and harmony,
One in perfect charity;
Then we know that we shall see
Even greater things.

I don't even know where to start. Even greater things!!! God has saved us from our sins...the greatest thing anyone can do, yet that's not all!! Because he has promised us even greater things!!

"Save us from our fear
When the battle rages fast;
Help us in the fiery blast,
Let us not be overcast,
Prove thy greater things"

I love that part of the song! We are in a daily war, battling for our Lord...but we need not fear! God has something far greater planned!

Reading this song actually came at a perfect time for me today. In the spring I gave over my biggest struggle to God and he promised me that if I could commit this to Him for a year, He had much much bigger plans for me.."something better..." Well today has been a struggle with it. One of those times when I feel lost and I'm losing hope as I try to patiently wait for the Lords timing and not my own. And the the line in the chorus of this song hit me...

"Greater things! Greater things!
Give us faith, O Lord, we pray,
Faith for greater things."

God has promised me greater things...I just need faith. Faith to know that He won't forget me or His plan for my life. Greater things...Definitely beyond anything that I could try to dream up.

Read this song over..a couple times. Then think about how this applies to your life.
What does this song mean to you?
Leave a comment and let me know!

Until then,
"Let us praise him, every one..."

God Bless!

MSN

MSN.
Instant messaging.

I definilty was caught up in this craze over the past few years and chatting became more and more popular, and it was an easy way to stay in touch with friends.

In my OAC year, my friends and I would just talk for hours on MSN trying to make plans of what we were going to do that night or that weekend as we were all very bored...but also very fixed on just staring at a screen and watching conversations flash by. And it was also very sad considering that I went through high school with the same group of friends (as most of us hadn't moved in our lives and grew up in the same house) and we were all within a 5 minute driving radius of each other...good ol' East York.
I would find myself trying to work on essays or ISU's but being distracted by the little icon on the bottom of my right hand screen. I don't even want to try and think of the many hours I wasted just moving my fingers around on a little keyboard....

Over the past year or so though...I've been finding MSN more annoying then anything. I'm sure anyone who has used MSN for any length of time can relate to the experiences I've had in converations with friends over instant messaging. For instance...my friend is being sarcastic or telling a joke, but I misinturpt the emoticons that they're using and take offense...or vice versa. Or I'm trying to offer a friend some support...but they can't see my facial expressions nor can I give them a supportive hug, so the best I can do is type ~hug~. Or maybe a friend just told a really funny joke...but the best I can do is say lol..which really does not express just how hard I am currently laughing. And the list of frustrations can go on....

I now spend rarely anytime on MSN as I don't find it as appealing as I did 2/3 years ago. But as well, I came to the realization a couple weeks ago that I can EASILY waste an hour or two sitting at the computer...but when it came to spending time in devotion or writing in my prayer journal, I always seemed to be stuck for time. I realized there was definilty something wrong with my priorities so I gave up MSN completly for a week. And guess what? I didn't miss it!
I mean it is a handy tool for talking to friends who are away for school, or a friend I have in England, or a couple friends I have in BC....but besides that...it is a complete time waster...time that I should be spending on something else.

And over the past year I've also realized just how much I love talking to people...and not on MSN..a real face to face conversation. Really...a good conversation with someone could change around my day. Whether it be someone I'm just meeting for the first time, or a life long friend, a good talk just seems to give me that satisfaction that I've accomplished something...does that make any sense? So I've been trying over the past few months to then limit conversations with people over MSN, and instead to try and meet up with them for "coffee", or lunch, or just to walk around down town or something and just spend time talking...really talking...and not just words that flash over my computer screen. I think that relationships are so important to our life, and we should take the time to build them and appreciate the ones that we have, and to make new ones...but to do that by actually seeing the person that you are talking to, and spending time getting to know them face to face.

So...if anyone misses me on MSN...feel free to drop me an email or give me a call and we'll meet up! I'd much rather talk to you in person anyways....And if you are someone who I have just lost touch with completely...once again, drop me a line! We'll do lunch...

God Bless!

To pay tribute to a great man...

This is just a note to pay tribute to a great man who passed away today.

Ron Wheeler.

He had been fighting cancer for a very long time, but his passed suddenly today.

Up until two weeks ago he was still doing the greeter duty at church, with his wife Elsie, as well as fulfilling his role as an usher.

He was an amazing contribution to Scarborough Corps ministry. Him and his wife were an absolutly incredible model of true Christians, who just freely gave to all those around.

I will always remember how Ron and Elsie dressed up as Santa and Mrs. Clause every Christmas for the Sunday school program to the delight of all the children and adults who attended.

And thats how I want to remember Ron. As someone who constantly had a smile on his face, and God in his heart. And the image I have of Ron and Elsie walking down the aisle of the santuary every week holding hands when they came down to usher for the time of offerings will always be in my mind.

Rest in peace Ron.
You will be greatly missed....
but You're in His hands now....

It's a beautiful mornin...

What an absolutly BEAUTIFUL day out today!! Did anyone else notice the gorgeous sunshine? I mean it's probably only about 10 degrees out..still a little chilly...but its just so nice out, you can't help but be in a good mood! I think it affected a few other people this morning as well!!

Started with my brother, my dad, my two sisters and I all waking up in chipper moods this morning! Can I tell you how rarely that happens? Especially for me...I'll be honest...I'm not the most audible or cheerful person in the morning haha..but this morning when I came upstairs from my room in the basement and I still had bed head and my pj's on, and my dad said a very bright "Good morning!" to me..I actually responded with an equally bright response! Okay..maybe not such a huge feat for some people..but the response my dad normally gets from me is a half hearted grunt that forms no particular word at all. And then we all were running a couple minutes late (I have to get there by 9:30 to teach pre teens, Donna had to set up for Junior church, and my dad has bible study), but none of us seemed to be stressed about it. And then the trip to church, which is normally filled with overally tired, grumpy people, was filled with hysterical laughter, over a converstation which I can't even recal (probably wasn't even that funny, but it seemed so at the time) and then all of us arriving at the church in splendid spirits!

So then we are all in the teen room for the first 15/20 minutes or so of "Breakfest Club" aka..sunday school..where the teens down some toaster strudels and socialize (kindof nuts this morning as Amy wasn't sure where the food was, and then the toaster...but it all worked out in the end, and the teens were happy because they got food) and then I took my pre teen class to the cramped YP Band room where we have our class. This year is my first time ever teaching a Sunday School class..never really thought about myself as much of a teacher, but no harm in trying!! And I'm absolutly loving my class. Sometimes it's like pulling teeth getting a couple of them to talk though..but not this morning! That beautiful sunshine outside must of got to them too, because did they ever just keep talking! Oh man...it was the best class yet. They were absolutly hilarious and the guy who usually never talks, just wouldn't stop talking! It was so much fun. Oh..and..can u believe this..they didn't know what a sword drill was!?! I think anyone in my age bracket and older knows what a sword drill is if you spent any length of time attending some sort of class or study in the Salvation Army. For those who don't know...it's when you hold the Bible over your head and you yell at a verse and then the first person who finds it, wins. So pretty much the Bible = the sword. So I taught them what a Sword Drill was...and also since I was an expert cheater at this when I was younger haha, I made them hold their Bibles by the spine so they couldn't stick their fingers in the pages anywhere like I used to do. So that ended up being a lot of fun, and they got right into it! (Yay for teaching 11 & 12 year olds to learn where books in the Bible are without them knowing it! haha)

And then of course was the church service...which was really good. I have really really been loving our church services since September. They now pretty much every week go until 12:30 and no one seems to notice now that they've gotton longer, and God's prescense is just there the whole time so its just awesome. Of course a couple people sneak out near the end as I'm sure they have roast beef at home that is starting to burn, but besides that, everyone is just right into it until the end. It's just so great that church is focused on God for the entire hour and a half (which yes, church is supposed to be anyways, but it doesn't seem to happen in a lot of places).

And then the fam (minus my bro as he went with Amy and some other youth out for lunch...and plus Paul Trim, but he's an extended family member anyways...) went out for lunch. And this, once again, can sometimes be "interesting" ..depending on the family dynamics at the time. But it was a lot of fun! Although "apparently" I talk too loudly for a "restaurant setting" according to Dionne..pfft...as if I can get loud..........but if I was loud I blame it on the fact I think my ears are a little plugged because I have a *cough* slight cold *cough*.......

But anyways. I think on days like today, you just have to take a minute to appreciate something like the beautiful sunshine outside, and just be glad to be alive! Its amazing how contagious a good mood and a smile is! And if for one reason or another, you haven't been outside today, or you need something to appreciate..then take a minute or two right now and just thank God for something simple in your life that makes you smile!!

"I have learned the secret of being content in any and every stiatuion..I can do everything through him who gives me strength." - Phil. 4:12-13

Keep Smiling!!

Chocolate Milk and Smart Food

Well, I'm currently at an overnight at my work. Definilty wasn't looking forward to this shift, and I was feeling kindof sick on the way here...but it's turned out to be the best overnight I think I've had so far!! Well..keeping my fingers crossed that the next 7 hours don't suck horribly!

It started out with me being able to get all the paper work and chores done that are required for an overnight shift, within my first hour of being here...so done by midnight! woo hoo! thats a record for me! and then just as I went back upstairs and was doing the checks on the kids my cell phone rings. And its Matt and Peter saying that they're at Kennedy and Eglinton and would like to know where my work is. I was a little hesitant, as I have 6 sleeping kids here, and it's Childrens Aid, so no one is allowed to come in who doesn't work here..but they assured me they would be quiet and just stand at the door as they had something to drop off for me. So 2 minutes later I get a phone call from the guy doing the overnight at Moberly (the adolescent group home that is attached to my latency aged group home) saying that two guys are outside for me and they looked kindof lost (he seemed a little mad...but hopefully he doesn't mention this to anyone! eek!) So anyways, I went downstairs to the door, and there is Peter and Matt..who had come bearing gifts!! and not just ANY gifts..the keys to my heart! haha. They brought me a mini jug of chocolate milk, and a bag of smart food!! And to top it off..Matt had come across some sort of giant yellow "children playing" type street sign while working at family services, and brought it to add to my sign collection! woo hoo! (not that having a giant yellow street sign at work is the most convient haha, but the thought of course is what counts!)
So..a night that had started out as me dreading, and feeling pretty crappy (I downed a large cafe mocha from Timmies in like 2 minutes..that definitly = bad idea and I hope I never have that urge again!) has turned out to be pretty great night!! I mean chocolate milk alone will brighten any sort of gloomy day I'm having haha..but its the fact that Matt and Peter knew exactly what would make me have a great night, and went out of their way..at 12:00 at night, to get it to me!! Yay for great friends blessing me just when I need it most! I definitly have to thank God for having those kinds of people in my life! They are an extreme benefit to have, and help to keep me ticking!

This actually kindof leads into what I just read in the Bible recently. On a bus ride somewhere the other day I read straight through 1, 2 & 3 John (HUGE read, I know haha) because I had yet to actually read right through them. And the reoccuring theme that kept popping out at me was love! John just kept talking about it! About not loving the world, about the great love the Father has for us, how to love one another, God's love and ours and it just goes on and on from there. He just puts so much time into talking about how we should be living, and treating others, if we truly are filled with the love of God. And it's so true. Having a servants heart and doing good deeds shouldn't be a chore. Why? Because if we TRULY are filled with the love of God, then we'll want to do acts like that simply because we are just busting full of the goodness of our creator. Treating another human with respect and being hospitable shouldn't be a chore! It should be an honour and a treat to be able to demonstrate the astounding love of God to someone else!

A few verses that stick out to me from this passage is:

"If we claim to have fellowship with him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin" - 1 John 1:6-7

"but if anyone obeys his word God's love is truly made complete in him: Whoever claims to live in him must walk as Jesus did." - 1 John 2:5-6

"How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him." - 1 John 3: 1

"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishement. Theone who fears in not made perfect by love." - 1 John 4:18

"And this is love: that we walk in obedience to his commands. As you have heard from the beginning, his command is that you walk in love." - 2 John 6

And there are so many more...all 3 books are just fabulous..so if you have a few minutes, give them a read!! John was definitly right on the mark with all that he's talking about!! And its so awesome how relevant it all still is!!

So...tying this all back into the generous act of Peter and Matt. I'd like to think that it's because they love me as a sister in Christ as to why they made such an effort to bring me my little care package here at work. And can I express to you again how much it turned around my night?? And plastered a smile on this face of mine?? It might be hard sometimes to always deomonstrate God's love to those around us, the way that John talks about. But try to think of it as, how do you feel when someone does a good deed for you? How do you feel when someone brings you smart food and chocolate milk at midnight when you're having a crappy day? If you can grasp a hold of that warm feeling that you get inside..think about how great it would be if you could spread that and give others the opportunity to feel the effects of a little love shown in their direction.

Well, on that note...I think I'm going to go lay down on the floor some where as I've drunk wayyy too much of this chocolate milk in the time it's taken me to write this blog...

So..God Bless! And spread the love!!

The Way I was Made

I recently bought the new Chris Tomlin album.
Right now my favourite song on it is "The Way I Was Made."
The lines in the chorus are awesome, but my favourite line is..
"I want to be the man I was meant to be, I want to be the way I was made"

The way that I was made!! Have you ever stopped to think about the way that you were created? The way that you were meant to live your life? To be able to put complete trust in our Lord and not worry about tomorrow? To have the freedom to not be afraid?

I think that this song is a challenge just to think about how it is that God created you...and are you living up to that?

The Way I was Made - Chris Tomlin

Caught in the half-light, I'm caught alone
Waking up to the sunrise and the radio
Feels like I'm tied up, what's holding me?
Just praying today will be the day I go free

I want to live like there's no tomorrow
I want to dance like no one's around
I want to sing like nobody's listening
Before I lay my body down
I want to give like I have plenty
I want to love like I'm not afraid
I want to be the man I was meant to be
I want to be the way I was made

Made in Your likeness, made with Your hands
Made to discover who You are and who I am
All I've forgotten help me to find
All that You've promised let it be in my life

SA Hockey

I'm actually writing this based on something that happend last Friday, but it just occured to me today to write about it on my blog...so here it goes.

Most people are familiar with the Salvation Army hockey leagues that take place during this time of year. For several years now I've gone on Friday nights to York Uni to watch the Salvo league that plays there as I have lots of friends who play on the various teams. Hockey isn't my favourite sport, but I do enjoy watching it, especially when it's free, and I know the people who are playing.

So anyways...this past Friday...during one of the games, a little situation occured. (I'm going to try and keep this as vague as possible and not mention names.) Some minor contact happend between players of opposite teams, and surprise surprise, someone got a little upset. Then later when the teams were shaking hands, one of the players refused to shake the hand of the one he had an "encounter" with earlier in the game. After that some sarcastic remarks were exchanged, and one of the players got more then a little upset, and this was very visible from the risers where we were sitting. After the teams had cleared the ice and gone back to their change rooms, us spectators went out to wait for our friends to come out. A good 20/30 minutes later when all the players had come out of their change rooms, another situation arose. It seems the player who had gotton so upset over the sarcastic remarks exchanged on the ice had not let go of what had happend. He stood in the middle of a group of us, and began to curse and yell very loudly at the other player who he had his encounter with earlier. I think his anger was continually fueled as the person he was yelling at just smiled and didn't seem to let it bother him, and continually said "just don't hold a grudge...leave it on the ice." The angry hockey player having gotton more then his two cents in, and used up his limit of swear words in one conversation, finally walked off, still yelling "watch your back..."

Now, to anyone who participates in hockey, or watches hockey, I'm sure this kindof display of anger, and "getting into the game" doesn't surprise you. Probably to people who have watched a lot of Salvation Army leagues also aren't surprised, as this unfortunatly seems to be a usual occurance...or something along these lines anyways.

I know that I don't play hockey, and I'm not a guy, so I can't "understand" the emotions that soar and rage well playing a game, and just how vital these games are to complete a guys life. But is a sport really an excuse to become just like everyone else?

I know that just like with people in the Salvation Army who might go into uniform just to play in the band or songsters, there are probably alot of people playing in the league who really don't consider themselves Christians, or live the life even if they do. But what kind of example are we showing here? We're not in our church atmosphere...we are THE SALVATION ARMY representing ourselves..in a very public place! Lots of other leagues play there, and not everyone there on a Friday night are from the Salvation Army.

Can I tell you how embarassed and ashamed I felt on Friday night, standing there watching this situation unfold?? I mean I can understand if minor contact during a game, even in a "no contact" league, occurs, thats part of the game....but does that automatically give you the right to curse and swear and threaten other players? Especially once you've left the ice??

I think for Salvation Army players...okay, let me rephrase that...for Christian hockey players, the game is a test. Every hit, every bump, every encounter with another player on the ice is a test. A test to see who u really are. People may give the excuse that who they are on the ice, isn't who they really are...it's just their "game face". Well guess what? God doesn't stop caring about what kindof reputation you are giving to His people, just because you've laced up some shoes with blades on the bottom of it, and are chasing a rubber puck up and down on a frozen floor. I think that the game is a test for you to show your true character, and if God's love really is in you.

Do you swear? Do you yell? Do you threaten? Do you hold grudges? Are these things that you know you shouldn't be doing in your every day life? Then what makes them okay once you're playing a game? And it is JUST a game...and if it means so much more to you then that, that its become more important then how you are living for God and the kind of Christian that you are...then you are in serious need of examining your priorities.

Okay, I think thats about it for me venting about this because it's getting long. And I know its probably a touchy issue for a lot of people who play in this league. But let me say, that this is just my opinion, and something that has been bothering me for a long time. And I also just want to make clear that in no way shape or form am I saying that everyone who plays in these leagues are like this. There are a LOT of really good guys out on that ice, just there to have fun, and demonstrating real sportsmanship. And to you guys I say..keep it up!! You are an awesome represenation of the Salvation Army!!!

So..on that note. Let me know what you think!

God Bless!